- - what lies beneath [caine]

[autumn mika longley]

I'm kicking myself that I shared spit with you ,
SO FUCK YOURSELF AND FUCK THIS BLEEDING HEARD OF MINE.

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6:43 PM.

That's what Mika's digital clock read to her when her blue yes floated over to the nightstand by her bed. She sighed lightly to herself, laying comfortably on her bed, fully clothed as if she was going out for the evening - only her shoes resided by her door instead of on her feet. Skinny jeans and a black sweater that fell off one of her shoulders, a pair of nice and warm black socks, Mika was comfortable. She was not under any covers, her eyes residing mostly at the ceiling as she picked apart her brain, not wanting anyone to disturb her or try to get her to go out tonight. She had not been answering any text messages or phone calls from anyone currently, she not really in the mood to talk to anyone aside from Caine and even that was questionable. The setting sun outside her dorm room made it evident that it was soon to be nighttime, which meant the dorms were to be empty soon. It was friday night after all, and Mika should have been joining the many girls and guys who were going out to party tonight. But she'd rather sit inside and enjoy the company of her own misery. At lest for tonight, she knowing that bad decisions would only come of her leaving her dorm.

She sat up quietly, the bed making a slight squeaking sound at the lack of pressure that was suddenly released (not that Mika weighed more then 120 pounds anyways). He long brown hair tumbled down her back, she looking around at her not that small but not that big dorm room. It took her a while to get looking the way she wanted it to, but after a few weeks in school and realizing what her habits were going to be this year it was a simple task to set her dorm room up to something that worked for her. Her dorm room was literally a rectangle, a perfect cube all to herself. Her bed was against the far wall opposite the entrance, right underneath the window. It was perfect for Mika at night, she was able to see the stars before she went to bed if she chose to. Her desk was against the wall on the left, her pain against the wall on the right. Her closet was next to the end of the bed, everything neat and tidy. There weren't too many decorations around, the one picture Mika ever wanted to hang up was currently in Caine's possession, something she left there a few weeks ago when she visited him at his apartment. There were some pictures hanging above her desk however - one of her and Emi, her and Jordan, Pictures of her trip to the circus with Emi and a picture of her and Cass. Chance was somewhere in the mix of pictures as well, and one of her and Wyatt. Several of her and Wyatt, actually. Some from when they were very young - 16, maybe 17 years old - and ones from more recent years. Mika liked the memories that photos brought.

Tucking her hair behind her ear, Mika reached over to her nightstand and grabbed her phone, removing it from the charge cable and unlocking it swiftly. She had been debating about texting Caine for about a half hour now, she trying to figure out how exactly she wanted to handle the new information she just learned today. Needless to say she was not pleased. At all. She pulled up a new text message and brought up his name. She didn't type anything yet, just tried to think of the perfect thing to say. She didn't get it. Wasn't everything going so well between them? Sure, they weren't sleeping together again yet but they were really reconnecting - at lest that is what she thought. Late night talks, going out and about together, movie nights - even cuddling. Wasn't cuddling the sheer sign that things were going in the right direction? They basically talked every day. Right now Mika was kicking herself for even being that close to him, knowing that Iris had been there too. Only they were both naked. The thought made Mika want to throw a complete fit, and oh she was going to. She just had to pick the right words. The thought of them sharing a bed - the same bed that she and Caine had shared - made her give a disgusted sigh. It may have happened a while ago, but it still happened while she was here. Given her and Iris's history it didn't make the situation any better. But the fact that someone came up to her and brought it up in that 'didn't you know?' kind of way just made Mika even more furious. She finally started to type in her phone, sending Caine a text that was sure to get his attention.

Iris Hendrix, huh? I know you always liked cheap thrills but isn't that a little drastic?

Reading it over quickly she hit send without a second thought, shutting her phone off immediately afterward. She didn't want to talk to him right now. She just wanted him to know she knew, and if she dropped out of his life for a week or so that he knew why. Leaning over to her nightstand she rummaged through the drawers and pulled out a pre-rolled blunt that she had since yesterday. She hadn't been smoking nearly as much as she use to, but she was so pissed off right now she needed something to calm her down a bit. Being on one of the top floors had it's advantages, Mika opening up her window and plugging up the door with a towel before finding a comfy spot on her bed right near the window, she sitting indian style as she lit up the smoking vessel and took in a nice deep inhale. She exhaled out the window, she sighed a bit as she did so. Ah. Now that felt pretty nice right about now.

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-- status; done! mad mika haha this will be fun c;
- - tags; vanessa with caine<3
- - lyrics; leech - incubus

[/center]

[caine davin seymour]

Once upon a time we fell apart
You're holding in your hands the two halves of my heart

Things were good, things were actually really good right now. Caine had never had a reason to smile about anything, really. Now he felt like things were going really well and he was getting along with his sister, and even his brothers, both of them. More than anything he was reconnecting with Mika, and it was going in a good direction. Instead of the drug fueled days and nights they were used to spending together that had outnumbered the sober ones, they would talk and laugh and he would actually try to open himself up to her and actually have a genuine connection other than getting high. it was difficult that their original platform was drugs and his own increasing hard drug usage that almost killed him, he felt healthy and his sister couldn't get over the color that was back in his face and how he didn't look sickly pale. There was a constant number count in his head and everyday was just putting one foot in front of the other and continuing the process he had started only a while ago. The first sober conversation he'd had with Mika had been...interesting, but as much as he wanted to revert to old habits and hold on to dear life to that fact and information he had been told he didn't and he'd tried his best to let it go because he couldn't change it. Children was not something for them right now.

Not to say the option wasn't there, he found himself with a butterflies sensation when he saw her and she made him feel alive. They'd been hanging out and even cuddling, he'd thought about getting her somehow in his room but he hadn't pushed it. It would happen when it happened, even if they had been there before this was like a new beginning and he didn't want to fuck it up. Today had been different thought, he'd woken up, had his coffee and eaten breakfast, it was amazing what appetite he had recovered and had gained a couple pounds actually. There had been some contemplation on a gym membership so he didn't end up obese, he wasn't used to eating so much all the time or even the simple sensation of hunger actually. He'd watched TV and cleaned a little, texted Mika and waited for a response. Later, however, he'd called her and no answer. This was a little concerning because she always responded at some point in time or another even if she was busy. Caine contemplated if he was worrying about it too much and just went on with his simple day of simple chores and curing his own newfound boredom. Some days he felt like a hermit, not really leaving his home alone and he was fine with that. It caused him a little anxiety to do so, he didn't know if he would crumble at a moment's notice of temptation.

His phone buzzed and lit up with a new text message and he picked it up quickly but his face showed his disappointment, it wasn't her. Iris had texted him one of her usual messages and before it would have caught his attention and he would have responded but he really didn't feel like it. Running a hand through his still damp hair from showering he put his phone aside and grabbed a fresh t-shirt as he had just showered. Fussing with his hair again he wondered if he should get a haircut, it was about time and he didn't want to look too lazy, it was enough that he had the stubble of a five o'clock shadow on his face. The phone buzzed again and he picked it up, finally she responded but he didn't look too much into it. Opening the message he made sure it was from the right person and he closed his eyes, feeling that slight sinking feeling in his chest. Funny, she had just texted him again too, but he ignored that one. Caine wasn't sure how to feel or even respond to this, he felt guilty like he had cheated and now she'd found out. Still, it wasn't because she dumped and left him and how was he supposed to respond? Not knowing even to wait for her, how was that fair to him? Caine grabbed his sweatshirt, a hoodie, and tried to call her. Straight to voice mail. They had to talk about this, or it would become something much worse.

Exiting his apartment he walked quickly tot he nearby campus, he'd only visited her dorm once so far, but he remembered where it was. It was great how clear his mind was and even the fresh air felt great in his lungs instead of black toxic smoke. There were a bunch of stairs that reminded him how out of shape he was. Was it bad that he was more or less running over here because she wouldn't answer the phone? Caine just wanted to clear this up because it wasn't what she thought it was. Iris was not his girlfriend, and she never had been. It wasn't like he chose her out of spite, it just happened by chance at a party and just stuck. Caine was somebody who constantly stayed in their comfort zone, even if it ate him alive. Arriving at her dorm, he stared at the plain door, he'd managed to slip in the front door after a student had let him as she was leaving, assuming that he had been a student. Was she even there? He wondered, but he knocked anyway twice and leaned against the opposite wall in the hallway and waited for her to answer. Again, he pulled out his phone and texted her. "Can we talk? Please?" He felt guilty, still but he tried to push that aside. For once he actually had a case and he'd honestly expected her to storm after him just like the last time. He was a little angry, things were going so well and he felt some kind of actual normalcy, Cassie had even been referring to Mika as her "sister in law" which he begged her never to mention to Mika as to not make her uncomfortable.

Caine put his hands in his front pockets, waiting. He really didn't want her to overreact over this, it wasn't a big deal, not to him. She hadn't been there and he had needs and the empty void that she had left he'd tried to replace with that pseudo-intimacy. What did she expect?

---

ugggghhh, it's been a while xD.

[autumn mika longley]

If you were who you said you were then you'd already know this ,
YOU WOULD BE HERE NOW AND THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE WOULD SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES

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As Mika sat on her bed, inhaling the smoke that was soothing her angry mood she thought about everything she learned today. It started off as a normal day, she going to class and handling all things school related. It wasn't until she went to commons for lunch this afternoon that everything was turned upside down for her. She ran into a friend of hers - one of her only friends at Balston - who happened to know Iris. Mika found it kind of abnormal that she was associating with someone from Balston but whatever. Her friend asked Mika if she had heard from Caien lately because he hadn't been answering Iris. Of course, Mika had to know why on earth Caine was speaking to Iris to begin with. Mika knew what Iris was like and she knew what Caine use to be like - she feared the worst. 'I'm pretty sure they've been seeing each other' was the words out of her friends mouth, Mika automatically loosing her appetite. 'What, you didn't know? I assumed you of all people would have known.' No. Mika had no bloody idea.

Another hit deep in her lungs, it only took half a blunt now for Mika to be completely stoned out of her mind. She stared out the window, blowing out the smoke form her lungs trying to process things. Would Caine even want to talk about this? Hell, what was she going to say? She didn't really know the entire story, only that she was the one sleeping in his bed. She took another hit out of aggravation, ripping the blunt pretty hard before removing it from her lips. Why didn't he tell her? Mika would have been more ok with it if he just told her. She gets the whole men have needs thing - she was there and she can't be mad at him for the people he's slept with while she was gone. But he slept with her while she was back. After she showed up to his apartment for the first time. That is what bothered her the most, Mika sleeping with one person once since she hasn't been with him. And that was a drunken mistake that Chance generally doesn't let her live down. Her situation was entirely different then his though, but she still found herself fuming with anger. Maybe she was being silly, maybe it was just jealousy - whatever it was Mika was actually hurt. She felt .. deceived.

Dying out the blunt on her nightstand she put it back in the drawer and got rid of the ashes to hide any evidence. She grabbed her visine and put a few drops in her eyes and sprayed some febreeze, just incase the dorm check comes around. She bit her bottom lip, looking to her turned off cellphone and debating turning it on. She grabbed it and went to turn it on when she heard a knock from the door. She blinked, not know who it could have been. She didn't feel like getting up to answer the door however, her lazy tendencies with weed getting in the way of that. "It's open!" she called to the door, watching curiously to see who was going to enter. None the less, the door opened and Caine was standing in her doorway. She blinked, not really knowing what to do at first. She was a little happy that he came over here - rushed really, considering she just sent that text to him not too long ago. It at lest meant he cared, right?

She was still mad though. She didn't know what to do, just shot Caine a pouty face and reached behind her and grabbed her pillow. "Urg!" she said, throwing the pillow as hard as she could at Caine, which wasn't very hard because she was so tiny and so weak. "You're a bloody git!" she told him, crossing her arms over her chest and watching him from her bed, she sitting indian style like she was before. Blue eyes watched him curiously, waiting for an explanation.
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-- status; complete c: I thought your post was cute haha. Caine on a day to day basis xD power played a bit, hope its ok :3
- - tags; vanessa with caine<3
- - lyrics; deceiver - armarna reign

[/center]

[caine davin seymour]

Once upon a time we fell apart
You're holding in your hands the two halves of my heart

Time didn't fly here, it felt like forever to be waiting for a response at her door. He found himself innocuously picking at his fingernails, a habit that had been beaten out of him as a child. Immediately he stopped as he noticed what he was doing feeling a little weird about it. It was strange, himself and his brother each dealt with their little bouts of PTSD from childhood differently. The two youngest were alright, thankfully. Caine couldn't' have beared their continued suffering even thought there father wasn't there anymore. Silence. Normally it was calming but this time it was frustrating because he just wanted to talk to her, was that too much to ask? After his knock, as he waited he could hear a loud verbal response and he swallowed all of a sudden feeling a little bit nervous. Approaching the door he grasped the handle and pushed the door open slowly, noticing the towel that had been lodged into the bottom of the door. Seriously? Of course, how could be be honestly surprised, how else would she react to something possibility upsetting. Looking up he saw her small figure react to his arrival, and before he could even open his mouth he put his hands up to block the projectile launched at him.

A pillow. Well, it could have been much worse and he held the pillow holding back the urge to laugh. The window wide open let the cool air in and almost confirmed his suspicion of her usage. It didn't bother him, but he wouldn't mention it either. There were enough cards on the table here. She looked pissed, her arms crossed and her glare at him. It wasn't that he had prepared a speech or something, but he wasn't sure where to begin. "It was never an official thing, it was just..." Well, she left but he didn't want to bring that up. How weird was this? Caine walked in further and closed the door behind him. "I don't feel like that about her..." He began to explain, almost pulling those words out of thin air because he just threw the first thing that popped out of his mind, but as he looked back at her he spit out a question of his own. "Are you high?" As he asked he wished he hadn't, a quick look at her eyes didn't show the usual redness but the towel, the window and the familiar smell of some kind of spray immediately triggered his brain to that conclusion. Maybe it was because he missed it, how many bottles of air freshener had he used to hide the smell of burnt heroin in the past, this you couldn't hid from him that easily.

Putting the pillow down on her bed he sat down on the edge, he had stopped feeling like a stranger around her, now she seemed that she was pushing him out again. "I was alone, what did you expect me to do?" For a second he felt a little mad, why did he have to explain himself all the time? It was frustrating considering that the accountability was all on him and he really wished he didn't have to carry that load among the other heavy weights in his life. Everything had been going on so perfectly, now this little speed bump was throwing him off track and he didn't like it, at least it wasn't like a mountain popping up into his path, there was no way he could have handled that. Caine looked down and around her new home, it was so different from the last one she had occupied but he liked it anyway, it wasn't like he visited for the scenery and decor. Looking up at her he waited for her response, could they put this behind them now? To Caine it wasn't a huge or catastrophically deal, not like the bomb she had dropped on him previously but he would be the bigger man here and leave that out of this, there wasn't sense in bringing up old and very painful news. Even the fact that she was possibly high didn't bother him, to be honestly he didn't like pot anymore, once you reach the stronger stuff the weaker stuff was just useless actually. Like taking an advil when you were used to OC's, it didn't compare.

---

:D no worries

[autumn mika longley]

The evidence is scattered on the floor,
I'VE BEEN HERE TIME AND TIME BEFORE

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Staring at Caine, she wasn't sure how this was going to go. For starters, she knew the the knew she was smoking. He was no stranger to the towel stuffed by the crack of the door, the open window and use of good smelling spray to cover up the scent. This wasn't Caine's first time to the rodeo, and the minute he walked in the room she knew he knew. But he didn't comment on it, at lest not right away and she was grateful for it. Hearing what he said at first Mika finished his sentence for him "It was just sex?" she said, a question formed out of the statement. She sighed, adjusting the way she was sitting, she pulling her knees up close to her chest. She was kind of uncomfortable, to be honest. She already knew that this was somewhat silly, her own jealousy and insecurities fueling most of her anger but she was still upset. "I know you don't it's just ..." Mika sighed, trying to think of a way to explain exactly what she was feeling about this entire situation. It wasn't the worst thing that could have happened to the two considering what they've already somewhat gotten past, but Mika wasn't going to let things eat at her anymore. Not with Caine, she couldn't do that to herself anymore.

Her cheeks turned a bright red the minute he asked if she was high. Mika, who was looking at him looked away immediately, wrapping her arms around her legs more tightly. "Yes .." she murmured, half ashamed and half embarrassed. It was strange, Mika felt like the shoe was on the other foot now. Instead of her being the sober one talking to him stoned, asking him if he was high it was the other way around. She didn't feel the need to explain herself, at lest it was just weed. "Don't judge me," she murmured into her knees, she burying her face in them as she tried to hide her obnoxiously obvious red face. That pale complexion always gave away Mika's blush. That wasn't the important topic at hand right now though, Mika lifting her face up after a moment of hiding. She looked at Caine, noting that he was way too far away from her. Letting go of her legs she scooted closer to him adjusting so she was sitting indian style again. She was getting kind of fidgety - a mix of results from the uncomfortable situation and the weed. But being close to Caine - it was kind of a comfort thing for her now. It would have been a lot easier to stay mad at him if she didn't actually have to see him, but now that he was here it was like it was no big deal. Still, she opened this can of worms and she was going to stick to her guns.

"Why didn't you just tell me? I mean .. I found out from a friend who asked me if I'd heard from you because Iris said you weren't answering her texts or calls .. or whatever the bloody hell she has been doing to try and get in touch with you," she said, half desperate and half trying to plead her case. She knew he was going to bring up her leaving, Mika shaking her head, her brown curls moving with her motions. "I know but .. I don't care about what you did when I was gone. I care about what you did while I was here," she tried to explain, talking with her hands like she normally did when she was nervous. "And I know she did it out of spite that little URG," she thought, eyes wondering from Caine to the pictures hanging above her desk as Mika tried to gather her thoughts. Her eyes fell upon the older pictures of her and Wyatt, Mika almost wishing she never discovered love. Don't get her wrong, she loved Caine more than anything and wouldn't trade this feeling for the world.When things are going good it is the best feeling - but in times like these Mika hated it. It made her so paranoid and insecure that she wasn't going to be good enough. Things were much simpler back then, her and Wyatt were .. complicated, but not at the same time. With Caine she feels like she is at a constant struggle not to loose him. She made him change his ways, he was with Iris - the girl who was ten times prettier then she would ever be. Lets face it, Iris Hendrix was drop dead gorgeous and Mika knew it. So was Caine, which made it even more real that she could end up loosing him to someone .. better suited. Mika has demanded so much of him for her to be in his life, who is she to tell him to change? It almost made her feel like she didn't love him for who he truly was - but these past few weeks have reassured her that Caine Seymour is not a drug addict, but the man she always thought he was. Still, that thought always crossed her mind. She didn't tell him this however, feeling that Caine would be a little insulted of she played the insecurity card like that.

"Tell me you didn't sleep with her after I came to see you that first time," she finally said, looking back at him seriously. She honestly didn't know what to think at this point, because this answer could make this conversation go a lot easier or make it a lot more difficult. Mika was a very good friend of Iris's once, she knew how she worked and knew exactly the things she would have said or done to try and get under Caine's skin, specifically if she knew that Caine was the man that Mika loved.
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-- status; :o insecure/angry mika? xD
- - lyrics; these woods aren't safe for us - bury tomorrow

[/center]

[caine davin seymour]

Once upon a time we fell apart
You're holding in your hands the two halves of my heart

Caine was surprise that she was surprise, did she really expect him to just get over him and replace the best thing that's ever happened to him just like that? There was no replacing your best friend, your lover, your soulmate. He nodded to reassure her, they were never and item and Caine knew a little bit better than to become attached to Iris in a way that was other than superficial. They had used each other for the physical comfort since they were both so alone, and it was a thing of opportunity, not of passion. His arms were crossed across his chest, the simplest defense mechanism that every human being possessed, and it was just comfortable. Al throughout his mind he was thinking of ways to unescelate this, especially since she was floating around cloud nine somewhere and wasn't sure what she was really thinking. She trailed off and he looked at her, his face did not show anger or annoyance, he was just calm and actually trying to understand. Far too long he had lived under the burden of a short fuse, one that one go off and he'd run away because he had always been looking for a way out and a way to hide. Maiybe it was a good thing that she was jealous, showed she cared right? Caine assumed she was jealous anyway and clearly angry about it.

The blush gave her away every time and Caine got his answer before she had verbalized it. He nodded and really didn't mind, it wasn't like he had caught her with a needle in her arm and he hoped he would never have to, just the thought was disheartening. She curled up in a little ball, hiding in plain sight from him or at least trying, he grinned a little because it was a little funny, he didn't let this drug talk and drug usage get to him. Otherwise he'd have to live life hiding in his room and afraid to come out, he didn't want to judge her. "I'm not." He reassured her, it wasn't like she lit up on purpose to annoy him, not that it would have anyway. She moved closer to him and he was glad, when she was really pissed off she usually would stand farther and farther away from him and be limited only by the walls of the room. It was a much better reaction than his own, he usually just threw shit around, remembering the broken photograph of his mother he had quickly repaired and put back where it belonged. Not sooner after that did Cass start asking questions about her, this woman she had never met and never known, the relief of sharing that story had been tremendous.

That was always awkward, finding out from a third party. Her reaction seemed justified now. "Because it didn't matter, she didn't matter." More and more he didn't see the big deal about this, why would he talk about some other girl to this girl and especially about one that didn't really mean as much to him as Mika had. Sure he cared about her well-being, he was human after all but it was different. And it wasn't that she didn't matter, she just doesn't matter in comparison. But, this made him ponder. What exactly where him and Mika? Were they a thing again? That had never really been defined, in a moment of personal jealousy he momentarily pondered on the thought of whether she could have a new guy friend while he was here trying so hard to get her back. Pushing that thought aside he looked at her again. Caine could see her point, it was one thing for her to have been gone, but she had been here probably waiting for him. That hit him a little because only he knew the truth. The next comment threw him off guard, what did she mean out of spite? Caine was aware of their previous friendship, but not of this bad history. He didn't ask to clarity, not just yet. And the next question threw him off guard as well despite the fact that he had fully expected that, he paused wondering how to word it so gently.

"I haven't talked to her since I got clean." Caine more or less answered her question, but indirectly. There really was no accounting for the actions of Caine when he was high and strung out the large majority of the time. He looked down, he wasn't proud of this and he hoped she could sense that. "It wasn't to get back at you..."

---

woot.

[autumn mika longley]

I know this, I failed to say I'm sinking by your side ,
YOU'RE WORTH THIS. I WOULDN'T TRADE A DAY TO HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH THIS.

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When Mika decided to smoke she felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world. She knew that weed was not the worst drug on the planet, nothing near what Caine had been doing but it still made her feel like she was failing him (even if he told her he didn't care about weed). She truthfully didn't care if he smoked weed either, but she had a feeling he wouldn't really want to at this point. sitting on her bed, obviously stoned to Caine made her stomach to flips, she almost feeling like she was in trouble, like a small child the decided to color on the walls. She caught his small grin at her somewhat childish behavior out of embarrassment, Mika feeling a bit more ease. Even more so when he assured her he wasn't judging, must merely asking. She grinned a bit at the comment. "As if you really had to ask. You would know better then anyone," she said softly, a small smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

This .. talk wasn't anything nearly as serious as what the two had talked about before. Mika was angry, but her voice or actions didn't reflect what she was feeling. It was more like she was a child, feeling lost or sad over something between their parents. Like a divorce, of them arguing downstairs. It didn't help that Mika looked so young, her still rosy cheeks slowly starting to fade back to their normal porcelain color. Her eyes, which were focused on the floor, looked back to the Caine when he called Iris meaningless. She felt a strange sense of happiness come over her as she flashed Caine her pearly whites. Mika not sure if she liked it or if it was something that reflected horrible character. To hear someone else called meaningless - it could have been taken either way. Still, Mika was glad he said it, it put her more at ease with her insecurities. She wasn't sure what she wanted to hear from him during this, all she knew is she felt like shit. Not because of the weed, not because she was sick - just the thought of the person you love being with someone else makes you feel pretty worthless. Even if it was in the past it still made Mika want to crawl out of her own skin. She wasn't really fishing for an apology from Caine, it would have been silly for her to ask that of him. Maybe, just talking about it would be enough.

Her hands rested on her lap, fingers playing with a loose string at the bottom of her shirt out of nervous habit as she waited for answer that she wanted. The day that Mika finally came to Caine, that first day meant everything. It was a milestone in their relationship - at lest to her. It was the first time she told Caine she loved him, and if even after that he still went to see her it would have been ... very disappointing, for lack of a better word. I haven't talked to her since I got clean. That was good. Mika was glad to hear that, but it still brought her own fear into the light. She sighed out of pity for herself. "So you did go see after I told - for the first time - that I loved you," she said, her voice hinted with extreme disappointment beneath that still oh so thick british accent. But again, her actions didn't reflect being so angry, not like she was before she smoked. Even then she was more upset then angry, not to mention this situation didn't merit any yelling. Mika looked defeated, she wanting to jump out the window to escape the feeling, but knowing that would accomplish nothing more then death. She leaned over, her head falling onto Caine's shoulder. "Just ... reverse the roles here. Wouldn't you feel like poo?" she asked, eyes fluttering up to him from her new angle. "I'm not looking for an apology. I'm just .. upset about this entire bloody thing," she admitted, defeat still written all over her being.

"It couldn't have been to get back at me, you didn't know I was going to show up at your doorstep," she shrugged, sitting back up as she grunted a bit, feeling like she owed an explanation about her and Iris. He should have a better understanding about the situation, and that would give it to him. "When I was back at Luxford Iris and I were pretty good friends. I honestly don't know how that relationship worked but it did. We had a mutual trust kind of thing. You should know she doesn't exactly make real friends, but I was actually one of them," she started. "Well, Iris with with Chance for a while. They broke up, Chance and I were party buddies. You know, go to parties together and stuff. We got drunk one night and ..well .. you know how that goes," she said, not really wanting to look at Caine while she told him about the only other guy she has slept with since they started seeing each other. "It was a one time thing, I'm actually kind of embarrassed about it. I really didn't know Iris was still hung up on him, but she was. Hell, she might still be. Which is where you come in .." she stopped for a second, thinking of what to say next. "Not that you're not the most attractive man in Outlier, but if she knew about us she would do anything to get back at me. The worst part is she is actually good at it, fighting like a bloody coward. She knows that the fact that she shared your bed - the same bed we shared - would get under my skin. And it did," she huffed, crossing her arms a bit. "She's a succubus," she murmured, brown bangs falling in front of her face, almost like they were trying to hide her eyes.

But what was the point to that entire story? Mika pondered for a moment. "I guess you can say I'm just worried. Upset about what happened but more worried then anything. All she ever had to do was wear a short skirt, tight shirt - flash someone one of her flirty smiles and they were under her spell," Mika finished, not daring to look at Caine. She must have sounded silly, but after everything they have been through, after what she did. Mika couldn't of blamed him for walking out on her, like she did to him.
_________________

--status; woot! <3thesetwoo.
- - lyrics; dear death part II - emery

[/center]

[caine davin seymour]

once upon a time, we burn bright
now all we ever seem to do is fight
__________________________________

Whenever asked a question about drugs, Caine really knew too much for his own good, it wasn't the type of knowledge you would pull out to exactly impress people. However, even if didn't have that knowledge it was still easy to tell when Mika was high, they had done this too many times before for it to go so unnoticed. Was it a bad idea to conduct this conversation at such a time? Who knew where she really was and how much she had even smoked so he didn't want this to backfire because she was high. From personal experience he knew he did strange things when he was using and looking back he judged his past decisions every day and wondered what logic might have been going through his brain to reach that point. The question that she had asked him was short and simple and yet he could find a million reasons, stories and excuses to why he didn't want to answer and what he could say in the mean time. He felt like he had cheated on her big time even if they hadn't been together at the time, but he responded. He had decided not to have secrets, yet not spill them all out either, if he was asked a question he would pus himself to answer it as best he could. You either answered the question or you didn't, it was that simple really. So, he answered throwing in that he had avoided her with his newfound sobriety for good defensive measure, though he wondered if it would go noticed at all in a good light.

Her response was not what he expected and yet it was, a woman scorned would not forgive easily and he felt like he had done something wrong when he really was innocent and just playing with the circumstances at the time, the game was little bit different then. Then again, there was that. For forgetting how the events had played in order he mentally kicked himself. How could he forget that? Her disappointment came out with every word and hit him to which he held no guard up. Caine rubbed the bridge of his nose, what did he say to that? "It's not like I was in my right mind at the time." And he kinda-sorta wasn't at the time, shooting drugs really altered how you acted and at the time it appeared to be appropriate but you look back and wonder what the hell was going on there. That was his excuse and his only one because he didn't know why he'd done that. Maybe her confession hadn't sunk in or he had just been confused on what to do and how to feel. Iris never exactly had positive things to say about Mika and maybe those were floating around to influence him and he let it, either way a man had needs and right now he wasn't pushing them but the situations differed. She had a point, he would not have been happy at all if the roles were reversed, in fact he would have been livid and probably would have stormed off already and done something stupid among the great progress he'd had so far.

"I didn't think about it that way..." Because instantly he'd become defensive and reacted to the situation and the urgency had left him little time to process and collect his thoughts on this or even comprehend the entire spider web that this all really was. Caine expected her to be upset, he really just never guessed that this would come back haunt him and affect something that seemed stronger than this. Maybe he had overestimated this, he wished he hadn't. Caine listened to her tale of the inception of this friendship and drama and he'd heard the name Chance before, probably but it wasn't anybody he knew particularly well. Still, he could sense a little how she felt. Even if they had been only friends and nowhere near romantically involved at the time of Mika and...that guy, he still didn't like it and it didn't sit well with him at all. For a moment his mind wandered off, what else had she done when she left or when he was gone? It was hard to get those questions out of his mind. Hell, when had this happened? Should he ask? That was opening a whole other can of worms if he did, but it was already eating at him from inside. The only distraction was the fact that he had essentially been used for revenge purposes, on one hand he didn't mind because he'd gotten a hot girl and sex out of it and then he didn't feel so good about it anymore. Was there nothing genuine in his life? Or just artificial feelings that he just continued to depend on. Caine didn't like the idea of being under somebody's spell, it only assured him of the control of his life that he didn't have.

He didn't ask, he didn't want to know. Why break something that was working? Besides, she wasn't the cheating type, not as much as he was capable of it. Pausing to reflect for a moment he scooted on the bed over to where he sat next to her now, so what now? They always seemed to end up at this question. "But she isn't you." Caine loved her, as much as he struggled with such vocabulary, she knew it as well as he did and he just wanted to assure her that he did. Mika was the one that saved his life, not Iris. Yes, that had all been fun and whatnot but reality wasn't such a fun game to play. His track was difficult and he'd accepted that. Looking around the room he felt comfortable here with her, next to her and he glanced back at her, it seemed they both had these little secrets they held on too, their importance downplayed by everything else happening.

---

yayyayayay :D

[autumn mika longley]

You're Lovely baby, this war is crazy ,
I WONT LET YOU DOWN.

[/font]
___________________

Once upon a time Mika had heard that if someone was chewing on ice it means they are sexually frustrated. She wasn't sure where she heard it or what the logic was behind it, but Mika had been chewing on ice for the past month or so. It had been a while since Mika had had sex of any kind, she not really feeling like lowering her self esteem to sleep with a stranger and she was really enjoying taking things slow with Caine. As much as she wanted to jump his bones every time they were in close quarters she always restrained herself, not wanting to jump the gun or make Caine uncomfortable (though she doubted it would). But at this point Mika was more .. reserved then she would have been yesterday, knowing that he was with Iris. Past sexual partners was not something someone should be upset about, Mika having a few of her own that were no more important to her then just that, but this happened after things started to hit the fan for them. It was almost like he cheated, but not at the same time. It at lest felt like he did, but Mika always knew that Caine would be faithful to her, just as she would to him. In any event the sexually frustrated Mika sat next to Caine on her bed, wanting nothing more then to prove to him that she was much better then Iris in all aspects.

Her eyes fluttered back to Caine when he spoke of the drugs, Mika having not much to say to his comments. It was true, the drugs were always a good excuse for when you do something you shouldn't have. She couldn't really hold him completely responsible because the drugs really did make you kind of .. in a haze when you were so strung out on them. He also wasn't expecting her back, Mika hoping that her just dropping in like she did was as painful for him as it was for her. To see him again for the first time in almost a year. Iris could have been a source of comfort, even if it was a physical one at that. Sex was a good way to relieve stress, it always relaxed the person afterward. Just like weed relaxed Mika when she was angry or uncomfortable in a situation. She only assumed the same for Caine, that first meeting being an awkward and stressful one at that. Maybe he was just blowing off stress, and what better way then to pound out a hotty like Iris? Mika hated the thought, but at this point she was trying to come up with any excuse to make herself feel better about this entire situation.

As much as her blaming the drugs worked, at the same time another thought crossed her mind. When they were together before Mika left he was always high. all the time, and she was too. Was he not in right mind then either? Insecurities aside this is a question that Mika always found herself asking when it came to Caine, even with their new found romance you can't forget their past and history. For her it was oh so real, and for him it was too, right? Even with the drugs? Her fingers continued to play with the string at the bottom of her shirt, she not daring point out what she was thinking in her head."Considering the influence you were under I doubt you were thinking at all love," she told him with a soft smile, silence coming over them again as she looked around the dorm room, eyes still making their way to all the pictures above her dresser. It was the most interesting thing to look at in her room, unfortunately.

Mika half expected Caine to ask about Chance and was surprised when he didn't want to know more. She wanted to know about Iris, more or so because she happened after they talked and she knew Iris. But Caine didn't know Chance at all, if she recalled correctly. They go to rival schools, Mika having meet Chance because she use to go to Luxford. But Chance happened before she even went to see Caine that day, and it was more of a drunken mistake rather then anything else. But she wasn't going to talk more on the subject if he wasn't going to ask, no need to bring up the past. Mika's attention was on everything but Caine at the moment, simply because she was feeling very insecure and open, but the next set of words from Caine's mouth made her attention snap back to him. She flushed a shade of rosy pink, a wide smile coming across her face. She wasn't sure what to say at first, Mika not accustom to hearing people prefer her over anyone really. She scooted as close as she could to Caine without being on his lap, her legs brushing up against the side of his as she looked to him, doe eyed and content for the moment. She knew the word love was something hard for Caine to say, he only saying it to her a grand total of one, maybe two times. Leaning over Mika placed a kiss on his lips, falling back into her seat safely after before speaking once more. "The thought of loosing you to her scares the crap out of me," she mumbled, knowing that even though Caine was ignoring her attempts to get in contact with him he was ignoring them. It was reassuring.

With everything that has happened between Mika and Caine past relationships with others has not seemed like a big deal, Mika knowing better now. Maybe it was his turn to ask questions - Iris would have eaten her alive had she not talked to him about it, she doesn't want the same for him. "Is there anything .. you want to know?" she asked, prepared to be as truthful as he was.
_________________

--status; AWE CAINE. <3
- - lyrics; alive with the glory of love - say anything

[/center]

[caine davin seymour]

once upon a time, we burn bright
now all we ever seem to do is fight
__________________________________

As much as Caine wanted to be with Mika physically he had put it off not because he wasn't interested, but just for the sake of not complicating things. Deep down inside he was probably afraid of her getting pregnant, again because who knew how they would handle this decision or if she would just run away again. If she did do that, run away again for the same reason he wasn't sure what he would do and he hoped he would never have to decide that. At this moment he didn't want to initiate anything while they were talking about past sexual partners and all that, would have been a little weird. When he thought about it, he felt lucky. It was some miracle that he had retained function and interest while using as much as he was using. Even through that thick fog and haze he was able to engage in that activity whereas he should have just been sleepwalking in zombie mode from the effects. It had been that little bit of sanity he had retained because it was the only form of human connection he had been capable of at that state and especially in his grief, like an extended bereavement period to while he just self-medicated through. Still, looking back he wasn't sure how he would have responded to Iris' advances had he been clean and sober, though the likelihood that he would have was high because he would have been looking for a pity party and somebody to spend the night so he wouldn't have to be alone. It was hard to judge because he had lived little periods of his life high but functional and then times where he didn't really remember a thing.

Caine nodded. Yea, that was it, the drugs. If he didn't kill himself from an accidental overdose first, he would have probably remained with Iris if Mika hadn't come back and the downward path would have continued steeper and steeper. Now that he thought about it, with all the information she had given him, Iris had been rather clingy after she learned of her enemy's return. Caine hadn't connected any of the dots that were right in front of his face but it all made sense, and he felt a little uncomfortable having been the pawn in this little chess game they were engaged in. It was funny how it all connected, Caine had slept with Iris who had slept with Chance who had slept with Mika who had slept with Caine. But when did this happen? It was hard to formulate a time line in his head for there were times unaccounted for, and the prospect of asking made his heart race a little because it made him nervous. Mika moved closer to him and he stayed where he was, he liked it when she was close to him. It was comfortable and comforting, and left him relaxed enough to smile. She kissed him and he smiled a little after. She was the one for him and he didn't know how many times he would have to assure her for it to stick, but he would keep assuring her because it was true. The other girl, he'd forget about her and hopefully she would move on and stop trying to ruin this for him and her, but whatever happened he knew what he wanted.

Looking at her with tired blue eyes he pondered her little confession. They had felt the loss before and he could understand her fear in it happening again, the event had been painful for him. It had been a long time since he'd let something cut him that deep and it made him wary as well, he could only imagine how she felt considering the circumstances at the time. Turning a little where he was sitting on the bed he turned to where she was sitting next to him and placed his hand on the side of her face near her jaw, just to reassure her that Iris hadn't won and he was here, wasn't he? Leaning in he kissed her forehead softly and pulled her into a hug when she asked him a very simple yet complex question. Was there anything that he waned to know? Sure there was, but he thought carefully about this. It wasn't exactly right to question somebody stoned, first of all. And he just wasn't sure that he was ready for the answers the questions he asked would have. Another time, another place. "No." He responded. Was this over with now? Because Caine was sure over it. To him it was more of a little misunderstanding that needed to be cleared up and at the same time he pushed away those feelings of guild that really were not warranted. The clarity he felt from being clean was strange, especially in this situation and this was really all new territory for him. His last real relationship had been spend mostly high and then in the hospital when things went South. his track record was less than successful.

Caine felt somewhat better, at least he wasn't alone with these thoughts swirling in his head and building like a tropical storm. At least now that he was here, maybe they could spend some time together. Just get their minds off all this and move forward, that would benefit both of them.

---

ugh, have an extreme energy drinks crash x|

[autumn mika longley]

I'VE WATCHED HIS WILDEST DREAMS COME TRUE ,
& NOT ONE OF THEM INVOLVING YOU.

[/font]
___________________

Serious conversation was always a buzz kill for Mika, so by the time she had asked Caine if he wanted to know anything about her past endeavors she wasn't exactly feeling her high like she was ten minutes ago. She was still under the influence none the less, but marijuana never impaired her judgement. It wasn't like alcohol or some heavy drug that would influence her to such great heights. She watched Caine, expecting him to want to know more about her past lovers and relationships simply because of how she reacted to him and Iris. But Caine wasn't that type of guy to get jealous so easily, plus it was in the past. What happens in the past stays in the past, if shouldn't effect now or the future. Mika was starting to realize this, knowing how silly her anger was. It was just something about Iris that would always get under her skin, always pay to her insecurities and worries when it came to Caine. When Mika felt the kiss upon her forehead and the small hug she was dragged into she felt a little bit better, not putting her arm around him but rather just leaning her head on his shoulder in her attempts to hug him back. It wasn't until that moment Mika finally realized that though she had some valid points for being upset she had no reason to be anymore. Caine was here, with her, and not with Iris.

In a sense she had won.

A small smile came across her face at the realization, Mika returning to her sitting position while she waited to see if Caine had any questions for her. He had to, it was only human nature to want to know, to be curious. It would also help avoid this type of silly thing again, though Mika doubted that Caine would react the way she had. He was much more level headed, at lest Mia thought so. But when he said no it caught Mika off guard, she not really expecting that from him. She at lest expected him to ask about Chance, but no. Nothing at all. Maybe it was for the better, at lest for the moment. They had enough issues today with past sexual partners without having to bring up hers. There was always another time and another place, if it ever even mattered. To be honest Mika felt a bit relieved now, happy that she had gotten that all off her chest. It wouldn't of benefited either of them if she left it swarming in her mind, she would have always been doubting and wondering about Iris. But now she didn't have to wonder because she knew.

A smile came to her face, the young Englishwoman pushing a stray piece of hair from her eyes as she scooted back on her bed, laying down on the side of the window. The window was still open and offered a little bit of a breeze into her dorm room, which was nice considering she was all hot and flustered a little while ago. Mika pattered her bed net to her, looking at Caine with a warm smile on her face. "Come lay down with me. Just for a little while," she asked sheepishly, her voice quiet as she asked. Mika wasn't exactly the cuddling type, at lest not all the time, but right now she wanted nothing more then to lay down next to the man she loved and just .. talk. Have a good time an enjoying each others company like they had been for the past few weeks. Things were going great, things were actually working in their advantage. "Just make sure you take your shoes off before you get on my bed," she said with a small grin, letting a small yawn pass by her lips shortly after. She almost felt like she needed to apologize for her spastic behavior and she probably would in due time. As she awaited for Caine's response she looked over to her desk once more, eyes floating to all the pictures. But not one of her and Caine. The only picture she had of the two of them was currently at Caine's house, and that was from a very long time ago. Before he was clean and before she slowed down with her own vises.

Mika felt like they needed more pictures together. Not just for the sake of having them, but to mark the milestones they have conquered together. Through thick and through thin they stuck by each other, even after all the awful things they put each other through. The only picture they had together was them almost at their worst. Things are finally going good, shouldn't they have at lest one picture together of them at their best? It made sense to Mika, though she knew Caine would protest somewhat. He wasn't exactly the picture type. She looked at him innocently, she still smiling. "We need more pictures together love," she spoke, more softly than before because she knew Caine would probably protest. she wasn't exactly asking, she was just stating the obvious.
_________________

--status; yeees. back in business <3 sorry the reply is kinda crappy xD
- - lyrics; misery business - paramore

[/center]

[caine davin seymour]

she is everything to me
t h e . u n r e q u i t e d . d r e a m
a song that no one sings

__________________________________

To say that he wasn't at least a little curious about her past escapades would have been a huge lie, still his instinct and gut told him that this was not the time and place for such questions. It wasn't about her right now, it was about her doubts about him and it hurt him to know that those doubts still existed even though things had been improving so much. Caine couldn't understand how his fling with Iris affect her so much, had it been any other then this conversation would have been over quick yesterday. She leaned against him and he held her, it was comfortable and she fit perfectly in his arms as she had so many times before. She didn't fight it, she didn't scream or yell at him and there was this peace that he craved. It was one of those slow realizations that he had been building in the back of his head since being clean that his life, the product of something that he never wanted to be, had become exactly that. Caine never wanted to be his father, a drug addict and alcoholic who led abusive relationships. Caine had turned into that junkie who couldn't bring himself to form a good relationship, he wasn't abusive by any means but he never put the effort to do anything anyway. She was a stretch for him, new territory that terrified him but you couldn't have happiness without any risk.

Caine was moving out of the mirror and out of being that reflection, at least he was trying. The questions sat in the back of his throat, but he blocked it from coming out. For now he wouldn't say anything, he would withhold until maybe he just couldn't stand it but he didn't want the drama right now, things were going so well. She moved away from him and he watched curiously what she was going to do, for a moment he had forgotten that she was high. How did that affect anything? It didn't bother him a whole lot, thought on some level it did just a little bit. There were many times where he'd been sitting and contemplating or just daydreaming and the urge for some kind of fix would creep up on him. Or something would happen and he'd find himself wishing to God that he could just have a couple good lines or a few bars to just escape with, sometimes he wanted it so bad it hurt, just like he was kicking it all over again. So far he'd behaved, but he doubted himself a whole lot for what he had accomplished. So far, this many days was something huge and the way his sister was acting about it he might as well have won the lottery, too bad he didn't feel that way. All he felt he had left was her, Mika, she kept him afloat and she probably didn't even know it. She didn't know how she saved his life, kicked him in a much better direction and put some clarity in his vision, she had no idea what she meant to him, she probably had no idea how many people were grateful.

Caine complied, kicked off his shoes and scooting over to where the window was. It took more than just a breeze and an open window to really clear out that bud smell, though he barely smelled it because he had been so used to it before. He laid down in front of her, like a mirror so he could look at her, he'd never been in her dorm for more than ten minutes so this was nice. They had been spending a lot of time together, actually spending time together talking and whatnot. It wasn't just drugs and sex anymore, it was actually building something worthwhile and he had to admit they were both curious of there was anything outside of those drugs or outside just sex for them or if that was all they had been basing this "love" on in the first place. Luckily, there was a lot there because they had been best friends before in the first place with was a nice solid foundation, they just had to chisel away at the unnecessary events that had occurred, the drugs, the breakup, the baby. His heart pained a little, he didn't think about it too much but it would creep up when it wanted, just the thought of that small child with bright blue eyes like theirs' made him want to hide and curl up in a corner or just get high. The subject had never been spoken of again, and he felt like it was a huge unanswered question for him, not that a child would fix all of his problems but when he thought about it more and more he decided that it would be a blessing instead, it would have been something wonderful.

Caine pushed that out of his mind before he could dwell on it, it brought too many painful questions on the tip of his tongue and he didn't want that right now. She spoke to him and he came back to the present again. "You look better in pictures than I do." Caine didn't like that attention, he was fine outside of the spotlight. Besides, he'd lost a good chance at being pretty for a living, of course nobody wanted a drugged out heroin addict for their pictures, but he didn't really care about that, because all that fame would have just killed him like it did so many of the young and famous. So unfortunate. They just had that one picture together, the one that was in his place and reminded him of something great and moving forward. Caine scooted a little closer to her, he just wanted to hold her, so he grabbed her hands and put them in his. They were so small and delicate compared to his own large, rough and scarred hands. But, he loved them, just like he loved her. She scared him today as far as he thought they were done and he didn't want that, he really didn't know what he would do if it came to that point. "We're okay, right?" Just to make sure they were on the same page, he had been honest with her which was something new he was trying, honesty. Seemed to be working alright so far.

__________________________________

the unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in
all I need to make it real is one more reason

[ bleh, my mind is all over the place ]

[autumn mika longley]

Mika was always a person who thought of the future. When she first came to america for schooling she had a master plan of finishing school without her father ever finding out about her lies, never having fallen in love and being able to carry on to grad school with no strings holding her down in Outlier aside from a few friends. But Life never was predictable, Mika having faced a lot of things that were not in her equation. Caine, the pregnancy, almost dying at the hands of her father - the thoughts were painful at best. There are some things that Mika could figure out a quick solution to but those weren't topics that were able to have such easy solutions. As a result of her hectic and unpredictable life over the past year and a half or so Mika stopped thinking so much of the future and lived more for the moment, especially with Caine. Things were going well for them right now, why jinx it or make bad luck come around by thinking of the future and what it held for you. Even more so mentioning it - your first love never lasts, and nothing lasts forever. Right?

As Mika sat on her bed, a small smile rising onto her face as she watched Caine remove his shoes and crawl up to her, she waiting for his body to be close to hers and to keep her warm from the cool breeze from the window. It was almost like everything was moving in slow motion for her as thoughts of the future came to her again. She always had a plan, and old habits die hard. Mika had a plan now, even if it wasn't with Caine. She had one of her future in physics, her career and the life she was hoping to build for herself. She was driven and headstrong, doing everything she wanted for her dreams of working at NASA or something close to it. Those ambitions were so clear to her before, but now they seemed to be clouded and blurred by those blue eyes she came to love more than anything. More then her friends, more then herself - Caine was what mattered most to her, even more then her career. She had already applied to Grad schools all over the US - some even on the east coast, some here in Cali. Hell, she even applied at Luxford for the sake of staying with him. But she also applied at Yale, which would be a fantastic opportunity for her. They had so many good internships and openings that could really advance her in the field. But the question of Caine always hit her mind - What was his intention? Did he even have a plan, what was he doing after school - what did he want with them?

Back in Mika's mind she imagined her pushing for more pictures of them together was her way of making sure she'd never forget. Not that she ever would, but she always liked to have a back up plan. The memory of your first love was something that is never really erased from your memory, and Caine had left such an imprint upon her life and heart she knew he'd always be there. Even if it was just a memory. It was painful for her to think of him not in her life after graduation but what was he going to do - more importantly what was she going to do. If she got into Yale she will probably go. What would that mean for them? Mika was drawn out of thought by the touch of his hands on hers, the sound of that intoxicating voice that always had her entranced. She smiled, scooting her body closer to his, her legs wrapping around his as she nodded. The entire situation with Iris was one she didn't want to deal with anymore and was glad they talked about it. The high she was enjoying before he showed up at her dorm was just about gone, all this serious conversation and thinking killing whatever buzz she had. She nodded, gently giving him eskimo kisses and smiling. "Yeah, we're great love," she told him, even though it was partially a lie. She was still worried about the future and though she didn't want to ask she felt like she had to.

She cleared her throat, letting one hand stay wrapped in his as the other entwined in his hair, playing with it gently as her eyes wondered around her features. "Caine .. I was wondering something," she started, letting her hand rest on his shoulder and behind his head, fingers still coming through his hair. "What are you doing after Graduation? I mean .. we are seniors this year. Are you staying here with the family or do you have other intentions?" she asked, her voice not hinting at any serious or concerned tones. Just her soft spoken english accent asking a simple question of his future which could define what happens to them together.

____________________

, status; done! yeees c:
, notes; osnap. <3

[caine davin seymour]

See, I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe


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To have been a dropout would have been more productive for this man. As smart as he was he had proven that he was too smart for his own good. There were so many lies he would tangle himself in because he knew how to do things and how to convince people with his knowledge. It was quite sad, all that potential wasted on illegal activities instead of hitting the books. His brilliance lied in the sciences and math, tools of the future really where he could really more forward and do something with himself and his life and prove that he wasn't just this fucking loser. Caine had learned very early that his life would never be predictable, he wasn't sure what would happen next or who would come in and who would leave. The only part of his life that had ever been predictable was the pattern of drug abuse he kept going back to. I was funny, he knew how it hurt him and hurt others and how he could die at any point and waste all that money too. But, he still did it and still went back. It was like this ball and chain around his ankle that he could only ignore and pretend wasn't there for so long until he cracked and just carried it around and accepted that it would never leave and was just another appendage.

Right now, things were moving well and in a great direction. That little fight was over, he just wanted to be with her comfortably and he could be comfortable himself. The proximity felt good, they hadn't been abundantly physical yet, just enough like the cuddling and a kiss here and there but nothing really more than that. Caine hadn't pushed her or pressured, it would happen when it happened and since he was changing and everything he was avoiding just jumping in the sack on the first date type of behavior anyway. He was trying so hard to stay positive, but most days it was more difficult than others and today he could definitely say that he had been trying really hard to not let himself slip for whatever reason. Sometimes his mood just wandered and so did his mind and that's how he would get in trouble. Caine had been alright today, but who's to say tomorrow? Tomorrow was always a scary thought, what was he going to do? Had his family not had a little bit of wealth he'd probably live in a box somewhere in some back alley, what was he doing with his life? Who knew? The oldest of four and they took care of him, it was all so wrong. She had a plan, Mika had this big plan of working for NASA and she was so smart and Caine didn't doubt she could reach that and even higher, he was happy for her.

Caine was taking his life one day at a time, he wasn't thinking a week ahead let alone years. He honestly hadn't pictured his future life, if at all, without certain people in it: Mika, his sister and brothers. There had been enough change recently and he really didn't want anymore, it was hard enough for change to fit into his life at all. Her assurance helped him feel better, he just wanted things to be good, no more drama. Poor Caine had been though enough in his twenty something years to last several lifetimes. There was a silence, a slight pause and he just let himself be comfortable and not mind anything else. She spoke and he prepared to listen, though her initial tone had him worried already, that last reassurance didn't mean anything anymore. Another serious question and one that he couldn't have been more unprepared for either. Why was she bringing this up now? They just settled a huge issue between them, why bring up another one? Caine couldn't lie that this didn't make him a little bit uncomfortable, because he really didn't have an answer. Hell, it was miracle he had passed anything in college having been high the whole time. Her tone may have not been intense in either direction but the words were louder than that. He took a deep breath and let it all out through his nose as he might have when he was frustrated, looking away he rolled over onto his back where he stared at the blank ceiling, even that had a better picture than what he pictured of his future.

Really he just wanted to stay clean, sober and not messing everything up. "Why the sudden interest?" It wasn't a fun question to ponder, why was she asking and what did she know that he didn't?

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[ finally xD. ]

[autumn mika longley]

Maybe Mika shouldn't of asked.

Judging by Caine's reaction, her question was one that was not only unexpected but not one he wished to think about. Mika knew Caine and realized what he was going through. She may not have ever been there before herself, but she still knew that thinking so far in the future was something he never did. Ever. At lest for as long as she could remember knowing him. It wasn't bad, it was actually one thing she liked about him. He had no grand plan or scheme about the future like she did, just lived day by day. He got along fine which was all she cared about in the long run. She wouldn't call his lifestyle a carefree one because it was exactly the opposite, but she imagined living day by day could be nice. She could never have her mind set in that state of mind - ever since her father started with the beatings she was figuring things out to get the hell out of there and out of his life. It was like she was preprogrammed to think this way and always have something ready. Plan A, Plan B, and majority of the times even a plan C.

She didn't mind that Caine didn't have anything in mind, she knowing from the moment he rolled over onto his back. Mika personally didn't care, just wished that maybe he applied himself more in school. He was such a waste of talent, and she meant that in the best way possible. He was so smart and had so much potential, but it seemed like it was wasted. Granted he had a lot on his plate and Mika knew that she was a big part of all his woes. The idea of her holding back started to settle in, Mika feeling slightly uncomfortable at the thought. She wasn't such a huge distraction, was she? Hell, she couldn't even recall all the times she had done homework and reports over at Caine's place, but that didn't mean she was a good influence either. As the person who loved him maybe she should have pushed him more, maybe she should have tried to get him to apply himself to his schooling more then he did. The doubt in herself was a sickening thought, but she didn't voice her opinions on it. Once Caine rolled over Mika sat up a bit, leaning on her elbow as she looked to him.

"I didn't mean to upset you or anything," she started, looking at him with a soft expression and loving eyes. She was genuinely happy at the moment, she didn't want this serious question to bring about bad conversation. After all she didn't think of it as bad at all actually, she had great things in mind for how things were going to go. At lest so she hoped. She ran her hand through his hair for a moment as he stare at the ceiling, Mika letting her hand wonder to his jawline, it resting on the side of his face for a moment before she answered his question. Once she started to speak her hand returned to her front. "I've been applying to grad school," she started, pouting her lips a bit as she looked down at her crimson red blanket, hand picking at loose strings. "I should have told you sooner, I just couldn't find the right time. And it always seemed to slip my mind," she shrugged a bit, knowing that she really should have told him sooner. It was her fault, she took full blame for that one. "I've applied at a lot of places. Some in California and a lot of others all over the US," she started again, her thick british accent laced with the hint of her knowing things he didn't. "I'm hoping to get into Yale, actually," she murmured, biting her bottom lip as she stope fidgeting, eyes finally looking back to him.

Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, Mika adjusted her position again so that se was laying down, she cuddling herself up close to him, one arm stretched around his middle as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm not scared of the future, just a future without you in it" she started, her eyes looking to the ceiling just as Caine was. "I don't even know if I got in yet .. but what I'm getting at is if I do get in I want to go and I want you to come with me," she finished, her cheeks flushing a light shade of red as she made a comment that she wasn't sure how he was going to react to. Out of embarrassment and nervousness Mika buried her face in his neck, almost frightened to hear his response.

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, status; first post of the new year oh yeah ;D
, notes; i need to stop changing headers. ;__; sorry haha xD