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Post by Gage Lawrence on Jul 11, 2011 3:20:54 GMT -5
![]() www.petewentzonline.org/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/apeteall-16.jpg
[/IMG] this was supposed to be the easy part [/i] ____________________________________[/center] Starbucks was pretty much empty when I had walked in a few minutes ago, and remained so as I sat at a small booth, sipping a coffee. I had sent Chess a text message a little less than an hour ago, asking her to meet me here. Well, telling her to.. I felt like a complete asshole after what had happened last night, but I wasn't about to let her or anyone know that. Somewhere in my deranged mind, I felt entitled to how I acted last night, even though that was not the case.
I resisted the urge to smoke this morning when I woke, wanting to be completely sober if I was about to talk things over with Chess. I glanced at my phone, greeted by some random "goodmorning love(:" texts from unknown numbers. Numbers I hadn't felt the need to save, that is. I let the usual sigh escape my lips before pressing them to the coffee cup, enjoying it's warmth. I smoothed my hair out from under my beanie, staring out the window in anticipation.
I really wasn't sure what we were going to talk about, or how Chess would be acting when she came in. Surely, she felt somewhat at fault? Or maybe I was just trying to play the guilt trip on her, but, either way.. You can't blame someone, who already has issues controlling their anger, for getting a bit pissed off when asked what they were doing here, when they had every right to be here.. I sighed again, resting my head in my hands and noticing the small girl behind the counter, staring. Great, yet another person who thinks I'm a fucking crazy. Whatever. Nobody understood me but Chess, and maybe that's just another reason I shouldn't be pushing her away. And yet I continued to do so. But was that yet another trait she understood about me as well?
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but breaking down is what I found hard status: complete
tagged: chess lincoln
lyrics: bruised and scarred by mayday parade
notes: ---
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Chess Lincoln
 BJUNIOR BJUNIOR [/size]
i've learned to become friends with fire; to keep from getting burned.
Posts: 247
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Post by Chess Lincoln on Jul 11, 2011 3:32:20 GMT -5
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PROUD IN ALL YOU ARE, SHOWING EVERY SCARit had been a very long and sleepless night. As I tossed and turned I couldn’t help but to face the nightmares of mine that haunted me every corner of my mind. Finally, I managed to wake up at a decent hour with frustration painted on my pale face as I got this text. It startled me from my sleep, and I prayed it was someone decent texting me so that I could stay awake and not have to face another painful night of sleep. I was sober, but that didn’t mean my head and body didn’t hurt from the pain of addiction. But, much to my luck, the texter was Gage. I took a deep breath before opening it, preparing for the worst. Even though it wasn’t bad, I kind of felt like it was bad. I didn’t even take the time to get all dressed up and sexy like I usually did. I just got up, showered, then pondered it and replied back with an ‘mmk.’ before I found a random shirt in my closet I pulled on as well as some dark faded blue jeans with holes in them, and pretty much whatever else I found.
By this time it was almost the hour that I was supposed to meet him. I fed my little black cat named Salym and went ahead and left. My heels clicking the ground and I crossed the streets to the coffee shop. Once there, I stepped in and glanced around the shop spotting Gage. I decided I might as well get a coffee before heading over there and facing whatever music he wanted to play. I got a latte, of all things, to try and keep my head from throbbing. Once it was finished, I headed out and sat in the booth across from Gage. My gaze afraid to look at him and my eyes a little less lifeless than usual. More grey and dull. “So.. you, uh, wanted to talk?” I asked. My words clear but still painted with the Finn trademark.
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AS YOUR BADGE OF HONOR. outfit; here.tagged; gage lawrence notes; shortness :3 translation; -- inspiration; set the world on fire – black veil brides.
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Post by Gage Lawrence on Jul 11, 2011 3:41:29 GMT -5
![]() www.petewentzonline.org/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/apeteall-16.jpg
[/IMG] this was supposed to be the easy part [/i] ____________________________________[/center] I watched as Chess walked in, but returned my head to rest in my palms and spare the awkward silence as she got a coffee. Finally she sat across from me, and I returned to an upright position. I listened to her speak, and for some reason, it only fueled the fire within me but I stayed calm, for the most part. "No. I thought we'd just have a coffee and sit in fuckin' silence." I stared at my cup as I spoke, my words were sarcastic and a bit rude, but quiet enough to not be disruptive or obnoxious inside the shop. Even though the first thing I texted you was "we need to talk." I almost added, but knew it'd be too useless. Maybe I was being a bit too bitter. In fact, I was being too bitter, but that's just how I was, at least now.
I sat back in the booth, sipping the coffee and averting my gaze to rest in Chess. "Yeah, I wanted to talk." I spoke in the tone that suggested more of a "duh" than anything else. I placed the coffee back on the table, folding my hands in my lap and continuing to stare at Chess. No one spoke, and I guess since I'm the one who wanted to talk, I had to suggest what about. I cleared my throat quietly, looking back to my coffee cup and shifting it around the table pointlessly. "So," I paused, taking one more sip. "How's Alex?"
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but breaking down is what I found hard status: complete
tagged: chess lincoln
lyrics: bruised and scarred by mayday parade
notes: o-o
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Chess Lincoln
BJUNIOR BJUNIOR [/size]
i've learned to become friends with fire; to keep from getting burned.
Posts: 247
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Post by Chess Lincoln on Jul 11, 2011 3:57:26 GMT -5
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PROUD IN ALL YOU ARE, SHOWING EVERY SCAR I bit my lower lip and listened as his harsh words hit my ears. Finally, I couldn’t help myself but to growl back at him. “it was just a starting phrase, okay? Theres no need to get your fucking panties in a brawl.” My eyes turned piercing as they watched him. As he watched me back, I didn’t back down. I was feeling strong and proud right now. Okay, not entirely proud.. but I was feeling strong and resilient. I took a sip of my latte as he asked about Alex. I shrugged slightly, looking out the window.
“fuck if I know. After you left, we got in an argument. I told him that I never loved him; that I always loved you. Just a shit load of bickering after that. Mostly about how I dressed and my tattoos. Then he up and left on tour. Good fucking riddance.” My words were harsh and cold. Anyone listening in could tell that I felt nothing toward the boy that I spoke of. But it was easy to tell that I was keeping myself from being too friendly toward Gage himself. He didn’t seem in a good mood, so I wasn’t going to pretend I was, either. The cussing and piercing gaze just made my strong nature stand out more.
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AS YOUR BADGE OF HONOR. outfit; here.tagged; gage lawrence notes; go chess, go! translation; -- inspiration; set the world on fire – black veil brides.
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Post by Gage Lawrence on Jul 11, 2011 4:08:20 GMT -5
![]() www.petewentzonline.org/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/apeteall-16.jpg
[/IMG] this was supposed to be the easy part [/i] ____________________________________[/center] Any other time, I would have smirked as she growled back at me, but I didn't. I simply returned my gaze back to the table and listened to her go on and answer my question about Alex. I listened to her speak about how she loved me, but now wasn't the time to get caught up in that, and I resisted the urge to feel good inside about it. I couldn't deny the fact that relief completely washed over me as she spoke so harshly about him, but I also couldn't say I was completely convinced that she had never loved him. It didn't really matter anyways, and was pretty much beside the point. I couldn't be too relieved, however. I'm sure there was someone else in the picture by now. After all, it's not like I had been gone for a week or two. I sat back again, thinking about nothing in particular, only answers that I wish I could get out of her without seeming overly straight-forward. Or maybe I wanted to seem like I didn't care much, when, in truth, I cared about it more than anything in the world. And Chess wasn't stupid. She had to have known that, right? Again, we sat in silence, before I looked up with the coffee pressed against my lips. Setting it down and swallowing, I broke the silence once more. "So, who's the lucky guy now?" Or rather, now whose ass is getting beat?
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but breaking down is what I found hard status: complete
tagged: chess lincoln
lyrics: bruised and scarred by mayday parade
notes: ---
[/size] [/blockquote][/blockquote] |
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Chess Lincoln
BJUNIOR BJUNIOR [/size]
i've learned to become friends with fire; to keep from getting burned.
Posts: 247
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Post by Chess Lincoln on Jul 11, 2011 4:16:56 GMT -5
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PROUD IN ALL YOU ARE, SHOWING EVERY SCAR Hearing the silence grow between us after I spoke; it drew my gaze back to him as he took a sip of his coffee and pondered his thoughts. I could tell that he was sober, which was something that I was actually kind of happy with. I took another long sip of my coffee before his next words hit my ears. “so, who’s the lucky guy now?” his voice was loud in my ears, and I couldn’t help but to shrug. “no one.” my voice held this kind of strength behind it. Almost similar to being respectful, in a way. I cleared my throat before looking up at him. “ive been flying solo since alex left. What about you?” I asked, curiosity forming in my eyes instead of the bright piercing color they were. I couldn’t help but to wonder if Gage had been with anyone else. Mostly because of the fact that what I did to him was unforgivable. Though, I knew my mind would take in his answer as either relief or jealousy.
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AS YOUR BADGE OF HONOR. outfit; here.tagged; gage lawrence notes; suuuuper short D: translation; -- inspiration; set the world on fire – black veil brides.
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Post by Gage Lawrence on Jul 11, 2011 4:26:42 GMT -5
![]() www.petewentzonline.org/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/apeteall-16.jpg
[/IMG] this was supposed to be the easy part [/i] ____________________________________[/center] As she replied, I found her answer just a small bit hard to believe. I'm not quite sure why, but I did. But for now, I forced myself to believe that there was in fact, no one else in her life. I continued to sip my drink, now down to half a cup. She then turned the question around putting it on me. I met her gaze, with the straightest face possible, and actually very believable. I was always good at keeping straight faces. "Engaged to be married, actually.." I let the words trail off quietly, looking back down at the table after another sip or two. I gave it a few long seconds to sink in before grinning. I chuckled softly, shaking my head side to side slightly. "Nah," I paused, stretching backwards in my seat and putting a leg up onto the space next to me in the booth, "haven't touched a single girl since." He finished his statement, taking a huge drink from his coffee, almost finishing it off but throwing it out anyways.
It had been a long time since he had been with Chess, and to not have touched a single girl since then, besides just harmless play like at the club, took a lot from a boy like him. He wouldn't be surprised if she didn't believe him, and he wouldn't blame her either. But he knew it was true, and that's all that mattered. He just couldn't bring himself to be with anyone else, just yet, at least.
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but breaking down is what I found hard status: complete
tagged: chess lincoln
lyrics: bruised and scarred by mayday parade
notes: ---
[/size] [/blockquote][/blockquote] |
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Chess Lincoln
BJUNIOR BJUNIOR [/size]
i've learned to become friends with fire; to keep from getting burned.
Posts: 247
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Post by Chess Lincoln on Jul 11, 2011 4:33:20 GMT -5
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PROUD IN ALL YOU ARE, SHOWING EVERY SCAR I waited almost anxiously to hear what his reply would be. Then, his words caused my heart to almost skip a beat. “engaged to be married, actually..” I wondered if he could tell that the color just drained from my face.. and I wondered if the color of my tattoos even drained. My eyes landed on him just staring in utter disbelief. Hoping that he was lying. Infact, he was. “you mother fucker.” I accused him, resulting in a gentle playful smile as the relief became slightly visible in my being. “really now? That’s like.. gotta be a record for you. Doesn’t it?” I asked him in a teasing way. I could believe it.. but barely. I took a few more sips of my coffee before leaning back in my seat some and running a hand through my hair emitting a small sigh and shutting my eyes at the throbbing in my head.
I knew at that time i probably should've thought about a smoke. I quickly glanced around to see that there wasn't a person in the shop, and the bartenders were all way in the back, talking until something would catch their eye. I pulled my carton of cigarettes out of my pocket and lit one, breathing in the toxic smoke as a sort of relief pill for my drug addiction.
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AS YOUR BADGE OF HONOR. outfit; here.tagged; gage lawrence notes; -- translation; -- inspiration; set the world on fire – black veil brides.
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Post by Gage Lawrence on Jul 11, 2011 21:53:07 GMT -5
![]() www.petewentzonline.org/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/apeteall-16.jpg
[/IMG] this was supposed to be the easy part [/i] ____________________________________[/center] I lifted my gaze from the wooden table in front of me to watch her reactions. I noticed the color leave her cheeks, and maybe even the way her breathing was altered. I kept the straight face, but I was grinning on the inside. Though I'd deny it at the time, her reaction reassured me significantly. I laughed as she growled at me for joking around, brushing my hair to the side as it fell over my bright blue eyes. "Why? It's not like it matters anyways." My words were a bit teasing, but had a serious tone to them, even though we both knew it mattered tremendously.
I then watched as Chess reached into her purse, and moments later, held a lit cigarette to her lips. My mouth opened slightly as I let out a single chuckle. "You're horrible!" I accused, glancing around only to see no one there. But still. I shook my head from side to side, but wore a small grin as I leaned back in the booth. I continued to study Chess, and the way she did things lately. The way she acted the previous night. She had changed quite a bit, it seemed. What with the more frequent smokes and drinking, or so it seemed. Maybe it was hypocritical, but I think I found it somewhat unattractive. My eyes dropped from hers, after a I finally realized I was staring. A slow, inaudible sigh left me as I twiddled my thumbs in my lap, now staring at them rather than Chess.
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but breaking down is what I found hard status: complete
tagged: chess lincoln
lyrics: bruised and scarred by mayday parade
notes: ---
[/size] [/blockquote][/blockquote] |
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Chess Lincoln
BJUNIOR BJUNIOR [/size]
i've learned to become friends with fire; to keep from getting burned.
Posts: 247
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Post by Chess Lincoln on Jul 11, 2011 22:07:11 GMT -5
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PROUD IN ALL YOU ARE, SHOWING EVERY SCAR I could tell that my reaction amused him, and it kind of upset me how he could be so happy and joking after last night. I don’t know; it really pissed me off and hurt me in a way. My eyes were still kind of red and puffy from the tears of the night before. I cleared my throat some, taking a deep puff of my cigarette and exhaling it through my nose before I felt his eyes on me. I flicked the ashes off into my now empty coffee cup before hearing the waitresses come back. I took a deep drag off it again and put it out in my cup; sitting there as if nothing had happened.
Gage’s reaction amused me, though. I just offered him a slight grin. “Baby, I’m a rebel.” I purred playfully; batting my eyelashes like a freakin harlequin. I exhaled the smoke from my nose as the waitress watched me with curious eyes. Wondering where the hell the smoke was coming from. I got up and tossed out my cup and caught the glare of the girl. I rolled my eyes lightly before sitting back down and watching Gage curiously for a few seconds before looking away. I missed those bright blue eyes of his. His voice, his touch; everything. Who was I kidding? “So, what exactly did you wake me up to bring me here to talk about?” I asked curiously, my eyes locked to his face and my head tilted slightly like a curious puppy.
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AS YOUR BADGE OF HONOR. outfit; here.tagged; gage lawrence notes; <33 translation; -- inspiration; set the world on fire – black veil brides.
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Post by Gage Lawrence on Jul 11, 2011 22:24:17 GMT -5
![]() www.petewentzonline.org/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/apeteall-16.jpg
[/IMG] this was supposed to be the easy part [/i] ____________________________________[/center] My gaze shifted between Chess and the waitress, and suddenly I became rather annoyed at the fact that we weren't alone after all. I listened to her speak of being a rebel, but offered no reply and simply gazed at her. The physical attraction I felt towards her, other than the new habits she obtained, was rather astonishing. How could someone be so beautifully constructed like she was? Why was it that every single aspect of Chess, was an aspect that I looked for in a woman? Was it true that out there somewhere in the world, there was a single person destined to be with someone else? A soul mate, so to speak? And were these the questions you inquired of yourself, when you think you've met that person? Thoughts similar to these bounced around in my mind, and I found myself staring off into space but still gazing at her while I pondered the thoughts. And with this realization, and her words to snap me out of my stupor, my head dropped down again.
What did I wish to talk about? Hell if I knew. I shrugged once, looking up at her, feeling like it was the thousandth time of doing so. "Well, I don't know.." God, I felt like I didn't know shit when I was around Chess. It was my answer to everything. "I figured we'd have something to talk about, rather than just leaving it at that, last night." My words were very quiet, and subtle as I was reminded of last night. "Look, Madison.." I spoke her true name again, it just felt so right and privileging for me to speak it. "About that, I'm really fucking sorry..You know how I get.." I sighed, pausing in my loss of something to say. "I didn't mean anything I said.." And as soon as those words had escaped me, I wish they hadn't. I felt like I had never meant anything I said, even though there were meaningful things I had spoken to Chess that no girl would ever be lucky enough to hear from me, ever. I refused to meet her gaze, and instead glared at the table, like I'd been doing on and off for the past hour.
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but breaking down is what I found hard status: complete
tagged: chess lincoln
lyrics: bruised and scarred by mayday parade
notes: ---
[/size] [/blockquote][/blockquote] |
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Chess Lincoln
BJUNIOR BJUNIOR [/size]
i've learned to become friends with fire; to keep from getting burned.
Posts: 247
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Post by Chess Lincoln on Jul 11, 2011 22:46:01 GMT -5
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PROUD IN ALL YOU ARE, SHOWING EVERY SCAR hearing his words made me take a deep breath and nod. Of course he didn’t know. He didn’t know how it affected me last night. “Well, I don’t know.. I figured we’d have something to talk about, rather than just leaving it at that, last night. Look, madison… that I’m really fucking sorry.. you know how I get.. I didn’t mean anything I said.” I took a quiet breath and looked back out the window; playing with my lip ring back and forth in thought. I offered him a small nod as a signal that I understood he was done with his side of the conversation. “I do know how you get, Gage. I left that club trying to get my thoughts in a way to make everything well for me. And you came after me, and I wasn’t thinking either. I didn’t mean to be so harsh towards you. I guess the circumstances made it different for me.” I exhaled and rested my hand on my forehead as I set my elbow on the table, shutting my eyes and resting there for a few moments. It took a few seconds for me to get my thoughts back on track. “What you said last night really upset me though. Gage, I feel like I’ve failed you. You have any idea of what that feels like? It took me forever to get over the fact of Alex and you. Then everything was seeming to go okay, my thoughts were back to normal and I wasn’t so dark and emotionless in my thoughts. And you ripped it open again. Just by saying, ‘ive already done it twice, I’m sure you’ll be fine.’ tore me up.” I bit down on my lip with a huge amount of silence growing between us. “I didn’t know what to think last night.” I resulted, lifting my head and shooting a glance to him before looking away.
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AS YOUR BADGE OF HONOR. outfit; here.tagged; gage lawrence notes; <33 translation; -- inspiration; set the world on fire – black veil brides.
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Post by Gage Lawrence on Jul 11, 2011 22:57:05 GMT -5
![]() www.petewentzonline.org/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/apeteall-16.jpg
[/IMG] this was supposed to be the easy part [/i] ____________________________________[/center] I let her have her turn in talking and expressing her feelings. It hurt a small bit when she recapped what I had said, and I let my forehead fall victim to my palms. I listened to her speak of how it felt as if she had failed me, and instantly I spoke out, for she seemed just about done anyways. "We've both failed each other, Mads.." I sighed, but it was the truth. "More than once." I looked back down towards the ground. But that's what made it true love, right? I honestly couldn't think of one thing that Chess and I couldn't overcome by now, and as much pain and suffering as it took to get to this point, there was pride in it too. Part of me wished I could just ask her to start over, but I didn't want to erase the past, and even if I did, it wasn't possible. Even if we did start over, there was fear within me that I would push her away again, and fuck everything up again. I still feared doing so, starting over or not. I didn't know what to do now, or where to take things.
I rubbed my eyes in, yet again, more frustration. Suddenly, I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be with Chess, but not in the public coffee shop. I glanced around once more, rubbing my palms against my jeans before standing. I reached out to her slightly, my hand extended but my face remaining emotionless. "Come help me get unpacked?"
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but breaking down is what I found hard status: complete
tagged: chess lincoln
lyrics: bruised and scarred by mayday parade
notes: ---
[/size] [/blockquote][/blockquote] |
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Chess Lincoln
BJUNIOR BJUNIOR [/size]
i've learned to become friends with fire; to keep from getting burned.
Posts: 247
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Post by Chess Lincoln on Jul 11, 2011 23:42:45 GMT -5
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PROUD IN ALL YOU ARE, SHOWING EVERY SCAR nodding to him as I heard his next words, I took a deep breath before rubbing my temple slightly. The headache from not having any drugs in my system was driving me crazy. I exhaled slowly and his next words hit my ears. I looked up at him contemplating whether or not I should actually go and be with him. Then again, my mind told me that I’d be stupid if I didn’t. I fucking loved this kid; I should go and help him when he asked me to. So I just nodded. “Sure, Gage, ill come help.” I said softly, offering him a gentle smile. Hopefully we could fix it up a little. He could understand that I wasn’t going to run off with Alex. That fucker left, and he’d never come back. If he did, I’d be sure to steer clear. I mean, he was everywhere and so was that stupid Miss Rumor. Fun shit? I think not. I took a small minor breath before pulling my phone out and texting my boss saying I was going to take today off. It didn’t matter, nor did he care. Everything seemed to work out for me. “So, you got an apartment or a dorm?” I tilted my head again with a small laugh. The thought of Gage being in a dorm was thoroughly amusing.
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AS YOUR BADGE OF HONOR. outfit; here.tagged; gage lawrence notes; <33 translation; -- inspiration; set the world on fire – black veil brides.
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Post by Gage Lawrence on Jul 11, 2011 23:58:58 GMT -5
![]() www.petewentzonline.org/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/apeteall-16.jpg
[/IMG] this was supposed to be the easy part [/i] ____________________________________[/center] Each moment with Chess was like walking a thin line, and each next move would either make or break me. Relief washed over me yet again when she agreed to come. I watched as she flipped open her phone and typed away, my hand still extended toward her. I let another sigh escape me when she rose, and without taking my hand, headed toward the exit. I shove my hand in my pocket, a bit discouraged but seemingly not bothered. Her next words made me laugh slightly. A dorm, right.. I grinned, pulling my keys from my pocket. "Well, I've got a house, love." I pushed open the door, holding it for her as we both left the coffee shop. Yep, a house. Why not get the most out of the free monthly paychecks? "You comin' with me or following me there?" I asked quietly as I flung open the door of my large, murdered out Tahoe, watching her expectantly.
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but breaking down is what I found hard status: complete
tagged: chess lincoln
lyrics: bruised and scarred by mayday parade
notes: you can finish this onee and I'll start a new thread at his housee(x
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