Same Old Song n' Dance

[landon]

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I’D RATHER BE ALONE THAN PUT YOU ON A THRONE

There was finally a moment in my life when things were going great you could say. Not a word I used often when it came to my life, but for once I could use it. Brave man I was using that word. I mean, what wasn’t great about it? I had an amazing person in my life. My Sparrow. When it came to the girl, she was my best friend. The one person that seem to understand me at my worst points in time. The jackass of me didn’t push her away. My douche bag moments she seem to blow off and act like it was nothing. Apparently I was something to her if she could put up with all that and still be around. Honestly, that was what I loved the most about her. Her never backing down or giving up on me it seem. Yes I could go on and on, on how amazing she was. But for some reason, I’m me.

Even though things were amazing to me, there was a part of me that kept telling myself that I didn’t need it or want it or I was going to fuck up and hurt her. Like a fool I listened to my random mind of craziness and let it work at me. Eat at my damn soul until I was going crazy. Until I cut my ties off from everyone and locked myself away. Keeping myself away until my addictions came back. Until the urge of the devil came back and the angel on my shoulder disappeared and it was just me and my devils. The devils that destroyed my word, they were back into my life. Back with a vengeance and they weren’t leaving until they got it. I lost count of the times I wanted to get high, how many times I wanted to drink until I forgot my own name. I didn’t do neither, just fought with myself for awhile. Pushed away Lakota, didn’t talk to her, didn’t talk to anyone. Skipped classes and started to go way down hill. Back to my past.

Walking around the aquarium, the thoughts in my head talked to me and to one another. For the most part, my mind seem to be the stage to their play. Pulling out my phone, I scrolled until I got to Lakota’s number opening up a blank text message. “Hey, could you meet me at the aquarium as soon as you get a chance? Its sort of really important.” Sending the text, I put away my phone and slide my hands into my pockets. Walking aimless. The play of thoughts still going on in my head. Convincing me into something strange and hurtful.

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AND LOSE MY FAITH IN SMOKE AND MIRRORS

word count; 453
notes; I got muse okay. :)
tagged; lakota sparrow finch
inspiration; Smoke and Mirrors– Black Veil Brides

[sparrow]

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& I LIKE THE WAY YOU HURT,

Waking to a slight jolt due to some shitty dream I had, I felt all nasty and sweaty. To my luck, it was my phones vibration that had made me dream that I was getting stabbed or whatever. Oh, fan-fucking-tastic. Who’s the bitch that’s going to die now?” I thought to myself as I pulled my phone up to me and unlocked it, going to my messages. It was Landon. “Fuck.” My mind purred to me. I couldn’t kill him; even think about it in my playful nature. I adored that kid. Though, his text worried me some. I couldn’t help but let my mind dance around the thought as I got up and showered and returned to my dorm to dress and get ready. I took a deep breath as I slid my clothes onto my body and dried my hair. I let it dry naturally, considering it was pretty damn straight. I put my makeup on and put on my makeup, a simple black cat eye before brushing my teeth and applying some lip gloss. Then I slipped my feet into some heels I had before leaving.

As I walked toward the aquarium, I reread the text a few times. “Hey, could you meet me at the aquarium as soon as you get a chance? Its sort of really important.” I just exhaled heavily and lowered my head a bit. I couldn’t figure out what it could be. I raised my eyebrows slightly in curiosity of what it could be. I sat there and ran things through my head. I thought maybe he was going to give up on us.. but wasn’t everything going really well? I loved him.. did he know that? I walked in and paid for a small ticket before glancing around and not seeing him. “I’m here, love.” I texted back quickly before walking around aimlessly myself, so it seemed until I spotted him another few minutes since I messaged him. I stepped over to him and smiled brightly at him, trying to push my thoughts aside, and went to embrace him in a hug.

“You wanted to talk?” I asked quietly, pulling away and looking at him with wonderment. Trying to make sure my eyes didn’t give out the secret that I was slightly beating myself up over the fact that I couldn’t figure out whether or not I fucked up and what he was going to say would hurt me. I bit down on my lip after a few moments before looking into the tank closest to me. Some lion fish were swimming around almost arguing with each other, and in the next cage that was close to us resided a ton of sting rays. Signs? I sure hoped not.

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IT DOESN’T REALLY COME AS A SURPRISE.

outfit; here.
tagged; Landon
notes;; its crummy. D;
inspiration; hurt – get scared