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Post by landon on Jun 30, 2011 23:54:02 GMT -5
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THE DRUG IN ME IS YOU
Listening to the conversation on the phone, I pretended not to hear as I put my hands behind my head. Counting the ceiling tiles once more. At times, I would just raise my eyebrow to myself at the voice on the other end. ‘Landon why are you even getting pissed off?’ I questioned myself before shaking my head. ‘You have no damn right, she’s not yours.’ Thing was, she was mine. She was MY best friend. ‘Just friends Landon nothing more, nothing more Landon Hayes.’ Finally shaking the thoughts from my head when I heard the knock, I felt a tad bit better. “Well we found possible dad number two, how many more you have?” Mumbling as I got up, I walked over to the door.
Getting the door, I paid for the pizza and took it placing it on the small table in the kitchen. Picking up my phone once more, I read over a text. If my blood pressure wasn’t high it was beyond high now. Why was I so ticked off at the moment? For the first time in forever, I actually cared about someone. Yes I knew it should never go completely past friends, but it still hurt. Tossing the phone onto the table, I rubbed over my face taking a deep breath. “Where’s my fucking cigarettes?” I hissed at myself looking around the kitchen.
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AND I’M SO HIGH ON MISERY CAN’T YOU SEE? word count; I don’t wanna count!
outfit; Oh you know haha
tagged; lakota sparrow finch
inspiration; the drug in me is you – falling in revers
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Post by sparrow on Jul 1, 2011 0:04:16 GMT -5
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& THEN I KNEW YOU WERE TREATED LIKE HELLListening to him, I could tell that it upset him entirely. I lowered my head almost like a dog that was getting reprimanded. It wasn’t like I was his girlfriend, not like he should care that much. But you know, I scared myself sometimes with how much I cared for this boy. I guess, the thought of him being with another girl scared me almost as bad as the dream I had before. Which, I guess I could understand why he was so heated. “ Well we found possible dad number two, how many more you have?” I just stayed quiet. I looked away from him as he paid for the pizza and then mumbled to himself about cigarettes. I figured it was now or never to talk to him. I got up and walked over to him, taking a deep breath.
“look, I’m sorry. Really I am.” I looked down with a heavy sigh. “Its not really that big of a deal. It was the wrong number. And if it makes you feel any better, I don’t remember anything from that night. Its kind of the way I do things I guess.. drink and do enough drugs to forget about him” My voice seemed to drift off. I referred to him as Luke. And with Landon? I was honestly scared to look at him. He meant a lot to me and this simple phone call really made it worse. I couldn’t help but to be curious as to what his text read.
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YOU COULD’VE TOLD ME YOU WEREN’T FEELING WELL word count; -- SHORT outfit; here.tagged; Landon Kane Hayes! inspiration; my own song.
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Post by landon on Jul 1, 2011 0:21:11 GMT -5
[ ------------------------------
THE DRUG IN ME IS YOU
No matter what, I couldn’t listen to her, it was almost like I didn’t give a shit. It didn’t matter? Did she honest just say that? “It might not matter to you but it matters to me Sparrow! To me! Fuck you don’t see it huh?” Shaking my head, I picked up my phone handing it to her. “Read it. Its pretty messed up when I’m getting a text from a guy I sort of know talking about how you are amazing in bed. Sure be a whore, it doesn’t matter.” My words hissed at her and I couldn’t control it. What was I to do? Talk to her about it. It seem past that stage of talking. Walking away back to my room, I let what she said sink in somewhat.
Getting dress, I tried to calm myself down the whole time. I tried to no end to tell myself to just relax it wasn’t my business, it was her life and all that. But she was a part of my life, even as just a friend but she was still a huge damn part of it. Digging through my stuff, I found the pack of cigarettes and took a deep breath looking at her. “Yes and your brother wants you to drink and do drugs and sleep around to forget about him. Lakota when you find yourself in jail or somewhere, don’t try to blame it on anyone else.” Shaking my head, I walked out slamming the door hard behind me. Pulling out a cigarette, I quickly lit it and inhaled the smoke deeply into my lungs.
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AND I’M SO HIGH ON MISERY CAN’T YOU SEE? word count; I don’t wanna count!
outfit; Oh you know haha
tagged; lakota sparrow finch
inspiration; the drug in me is you – falling in revers
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Post by sparrow on Jul 1, 2011 0:32:13 GMT -5
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& THEN I KNEW YOU WERE TREATED LIKE HELL As he said that I didn’t see what apparently he felt for me; I took a deep breath and lowered my head again. The moment he handed me the phone, I took a look at it and shuddered lightly. Yeah, I was fucking up. Fucking up hardcore. It was ridiculous now that I thought about it; either way, I had to fix things and make them right. I had always spent time trying to forget about Luke when what Landon said was the truth. You know, maybe I was having those dreams so I wouldn’t go out and get drunk. Maybe it was Luke’s way of telling me to grow the fuck up. I didn’t realize it until Landon slammed the door behind him and was outside. That was when I came back to reality.
I quickly stepped outside and ran up to catch him, tugging on his arm hoping it would turn him around as he smoked. “You know, maybe I’d have been better off if you told me how you felt. I didn’t know, Landon. You’re the one whos helped me through the most and I’m too blind and ignorant to see that. Look, I’m sorry for how much I’ve fucked up. But.. I need you. Like I need air. I cant live without air and I sure as fuck can’t live without you. If I would have known about how you felt, maybe I would have been better off.” I lowered my gaze and folded my arms across my chest, feeling the anguish in my chest and heart grow with the tension I was feeling between us. My best friend probably hated me now because of this shit.
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YOU COULD’VE TOLD ME YOU WEREN’T FEELING WELL word count; -- SHORT outfit; here.tagged; Landon Kane Hayes! inspiration; my own song.
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Post by landon on Jul 1, 2011 0:53:05 GMT -5
[ ------------------------------
THE DRUG IN ME IS YOU
Taking another deep breath, I exhaled the smoke and kept walking. Taking in the toxin and letting it out after awhile. Cursing the whole time, I held the cigarette between my fingers just shaking my head. Seriously, what the hell did I do? Why did I do it? Feeling someone tug on me, turning around I faced her and I just shook my head. Turning away from her, I took against drag from the thing that was probably going to kill me soon. Trying not to block out her words, I listened the best I could. My thoughts so heavily wanted to comment but for a second I needed to listen.
Turning back to face her, I lift her chin with my free hand and kissed her softly. Smiling some I shook my head. “I love you Sparrow. I really do. You mean the world to me. But you’re my best friend. My best friend. And I don’t want to lose you to some douche. I don’t want you to be a druggie or a drunk cause I’ve been there. It got me two years in prison. That can not happen to you.” Biting down on my lip, I just walked away from her. Finishing the cigarette, I flicked it away before lighting another one.
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AND I’M SO HIGH ON MISERY CAN’T YOU SEE? word count; I don’t wanna count!
outfit; Oh you know haha
tagged; lakota sparrow finch
inspiration; the drug in me is you – falling in revers
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Post by sparrow on Jul 1, 2011 1:03:02 GMT -5
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& THEN I KNEW YOU WERE TREATED LIKE HELL To be honest, I was fucking shocked. He ignored me, then turned and kissed me, spoke and then left. What the fuck was up with this kid? I raised my eyebrows as his words hit my ears and the taste of him danced across my lips. “Landon… wait.” I said only to realize he was gone. I found him within a matter of moments though and I ran back up to catch him. I took his hand and pulled him to me in an attempt that he’d face me. “If you’re going to smoke, at least share with me?” I smiled lightly to him before I laced my fingers with his and looked at him seriously.
“But really, lets go back.. please? We have a whole uneaten pizza. And I don’t want to be out here if there’s people looking for me.. and.. I don’t want to be anywhere else than with you.” I said softly in a hopeful tone that maybe he’d actually think about and come back to his dorm with me so we could be together again. And maybe this time things would be different. And I hoped that everything would be okay, since i was getting more and more exhausted emotionally with every moment of this passion I felt for him in this relationship. I needed something more than just a good fuck now and then.
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YOU COULD’VE TOLD ME YOU WEREN’T FEELING WELL word count; -- SHORT outfit; here.tagged; Landon Kane Hayes! inspiration; my own song.
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Post by landon on Jul 1, 2011 1:37:15 GMT -5
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THE DRUG IN ME IS YOU
Looking over at her, I laced my fingers tightly with hers. Giving her a nod, I gave her a small smile. Finishing off the cigarette, I tossed it away. Walking back to the dorm, I stayed quiet for a while. Maybe I seem just a little bi-polar. Really, it was from the drinking the night before. One of the reasons why I should stay away from it even more. Liquor and me always equaled bad plus a bad temper.
Getting back to my dorm, I walked inside and let go of her hand. “You can eat, I’m not hungry.” Walking over, I laid down on the couch hiding my face into my arms taking a deep breath. There was a terrible throbbing in my head. It was just the random emotions going through me. Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and kept my face hidden. At the moment, I wasn’t sure rather to be happy or to feel like a completely douche.
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AND I’M SO HIGH ON MISERY CAN’T YOU SEE? word count; I don’t wanna count!
outfit; Oh you know haha
tagged; lakota sparrow finch
inspiration; the drug in me is you – falling in revers
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Post by sparrow on Jul 1, 2011 2:05:06 GMT -5
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& THEN I KNEW YOU WERE TREATED LIKE HELL I just shrugged and followed him back to the dorm. When he said he wasn’t hungry, I nodded and realized I wasn’t hungry either. All I knew was that I’d eat eventually. I took a deep breath and watched as he went over to the couch and basically buried himself into it. I felt bad in a way, but in a way I didn’t. I didn’t know what he was feeling. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how I could help him. The only thing that I could imagine was probably going to be drastic. But you know, the more I thought about him, the more I felt something more than just a friendship. I walked over to him and kind of pulled him up and sat down where his head had been and then allowed his head to rest in my lap.
I sat there and stroked his hair gently, not even saying anything. I waited patiently just barely trying to figure out what I could do to make this situation even better. But the only thing I could think of would make it worse. I took a deep breath. I shut my eyes and stroked his hair even more before taking a gentle breath. “You know, Landon. I think im beginning to love you.” I said softly. And kept my eyes shut, unsure of how he would react, but pretty much afraid of it.
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YOU COULD’VE TOLD ME YOU WEREN’T FEELING WELL word count; -- SHORT outfit; here.tagged; Landon Kane Hayes! inspiration; my own song.
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Post by landon on Jul 1, 2011 2:22:41 GMT -5
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THE DRUG IN ME IS YOU
Getting comfortable once more, I closed my eyes and stayed very still. Moving just didn’t seem worth anything at the moment. My mind seem completely empty and I felt emotionless. Almost zombie like. Amazing feeling it was, not. Taking in deep breaths, I held them in before exhaling through my nose. What could I say to her? Nothing really. I was lost for words. More than anything I was feeling like a douche for what I told her. Her being a whore and all. Stupid, that exactly what I was. “Why would you even think about loving someone like me?” I questioned softly as I yawned some. Hiding my face into my arms. My thoughts speeding through my head, driving me insane.
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AND I’M SO HIGH ON MISERY CAN’T YOU SEE? word count;It’s a shortie short! I am sleepy.
outfit; Oh you know haha
tagged; lakota sparrow finch
inspiration; the drug in me is you – falling in revers
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Post by sparrow on Jul 1, 2011 2:27:25 GMT -5
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& THEN I KNEW YOU WERE TREATED LIKE HELL I shrugged lightly and ignored the way he continued to bury himself. I kept my eyes shut though, processing his words through my mind more and more. I stifled a yawn and stroked his hair more before opening my bright green eyes and watching him. “why would I ever think of loving someone other than you? Look, we argue and have our little fights.. but if you look at it; every couple does. Every couple has their ups and downs. And as far as I’m concerned, I’m trying to figure out how you could love someone like me. Fair enough?” I said softly, raising my eyebrows and turning my gaze away from him, leaning back and letting my hand just rest on his shoulder.
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YOU COULD’VE TOLD ME YOU WEREN’T FEELING WELL word count; yeah, uhm.. yeah. outfit; here.tagged; Landon Kane Hayes! inspiration; my own song.
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Post by landon on Jul 1, 2011 14:06:33 GMT -5
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THE DRUG IN ME IS YOU
Listening to her words, the made sense some what and then my thoughts completely over powered them and made me thing different. We were like every couple. But when couples spilt they never talked away most of the time. I didn’t wasn’t to lose my best friend because we were just like every other couple. I loved her. More than a friend but I stopped myself. In a way, she was all I had left. Everyone else was gone in my life. They were friends to my face, but behind my back they were my enemies. The ones that pushed me deeper under the dark waters of my life. My words didn’t want to come nor did I force them too. Silence was the key and I was keeping it like that for the most part.
Sighing, I kept my face hidden and my eyes closed tightly. For some reason I don’t think it clicked to her that I found her beyond amazing. That I thought of her as a person I that I could always go to if I needed, no I did not mean it sexual. “I don’t wanna love you though.” I mumbled some before turning to look up at her. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
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AND I’M SO HIGH ON MISERY CAN’T YOU SEE? word count;It’s a shortie short! I am sleepy.
outfit; Oh you know haha
tagged; lakota sparrow finch
inspiration; the drug in me is you – falling in revers
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Post by sparrow on Jul 1, 2011 14:26:52 GMT -5
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& THEN I KNEW YOU WERE TREATED LIKE HELL I chewed on my lip lightly as I let the silence burn between us before his words hit my lips. My mind was flipping over and over with the thoughts I had. Then his voice hit my ears and in a way, I felt my heart drop. I took a deep breath and looked down at him, resting my hand on his forehead. “baby, what if I told you that I was already broken? Youre my glue. You’ve always been my glue. You can’t break me if you keep me together..” I took a deep breath and looked away from him. “I want someone to love me… and I’ll pray its you.” I pretty much whispered to myself but it was loud enough for him to hear. Way to go, right?
I looked down a moment to him and kissed his forehead before getting up and walking into the kitchen. I wasn’t hungry, I just needed to think without him watching me. My back was facing him as I ran through my head what I could do to try and make it seem like I got up for a reason and not just to think. Finally I found a glass and filled it up with some pepsi I found in the fridge. Then, I leaned against the counter and took some sips of it; still feeling nervous and my stomach still dancing.
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YOU COULD’VE TOLD ME YOU WEREN’T FEELING WELL word count; yeah, uhm.. yeah. outfit; here.tagged; Landon Kane Hayes! inspiration; my own song.
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Post by landon on Jul 1, 2011 16:19:36 GMT -5
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THE DRUG IN ME IS YOU
Letting her get, I laid back and looked up at the ceiling. Closing my eyes, I took in deep breaths. My mind was going crazy and it seem not to let me think in my own way. But the again I couldn’t really think of anything, my mind was once blank. She said I helped, held her together but I could easily break her and tear her apart. Just shaking my head I looked down at the floor.
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AND I’M SO HIGH ON MISERY CAN’T YOU SEE? word count;Its super short I sorry.
outfit; Oh you know haha
tagged; lakota sparrow finch
inspiration; the drug in me is you – falling in revers
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Post by sparrow on Jul 1, 2011 16:36:11 GMT -5
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& THEN I KNEW YOU WERE TREATED LIKE HELL I finished the small glass of the soda i was drinking; and set the glass in the sink. I walked back to him after having my few moments of thoughts and took a deep breath. "landon; you mean more to me than you can imagine. it even shocks me how much you do. can you just tell me what i am to you?" I asked quietly, taking a seat on the arm of the couch, and looking down at him for a moment before looking away.
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YOU COULD’VE TOLD ME YOU WEREN’T FEELING WELL word count; yeah, uhm.. yeah. outfit; here.tagged; Landon Kane Hayes! inspiration; my own song.
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Post by landon on Jul 1, 2011 17:26:11 GMT -5
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THE DRUG IN ME IS YOU
Could I tell her what she meant to me? No well probably yes but it was to much. Sparrow meant everything to me. At times she was like the air I needed in my lungs to breath, the shock I needed to make my heart keep pumping. Then at times she seem to be the ice in my veins that were almost the death of me. Like the drugs I did over and over that ruined on me. No no, Sparrow never ruined me she just, pulled at my strings. Why the sudden urge to care about her? God, I was still trying to figure it out but it was a epic fail. The hearts want what the heart wants. At the moment, she was my drug of choice. That addiction that kept pulling me in no matter how much I tried to get away from it. No matter what I did it just got stronger and stronger and drove me crazy. Crazy to the point I really thought I was losing my goddamn mind. Made me feel almost helpless and that wasn’t something I was fond of.
My eyes looked up and her and I just shrugged some. Was I going to pour my heart and soul out to her or were just going to be a jerk of a guy and just blow it off. There was still a huge conflict in my mind. Almost like my angels and demons fighting. Well honestly, I was looking at my angel but yea. There was part of me that wanted to tell her to love to trust me completely I would always be there. Then there was that other part of me that just wanted to tell her to forget about me, we were friends and that was it. We could not would not be more. We could still have our fun but no emotions, no strings attached. “My world.” The words slipped through my lips and it took a few seconds for me to comprehend what I had actually said. Would I take back those two little words? No because those two little words meant something big and powerful. It was the complete truth. Well I lie. She was my world, yes but she was also my heart, my soul, my everything it seem. Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and inhaled softly before standing up. Walking to the kitchen, I pulled out my cigarettes placing one between my lips and lighting it.
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AND I’M SO HIGH ON MISERY CAN’T YOU SEE? word count;It’s a shortie short! I am sleepy.
outfit; 415
tagged; lakota sparrow finch
inspiration; the drug in me is you – falling in revers
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