` my bones are your bones } jagr

[Alaska Jaxon Saint]

& no I’m not afraid, at least not to die.
I’m afraid to live and not remember why.

”She’s such a whore.” I couldn’t seem to get enough of the voices out of my head. I mean, yeah, I did a wonderful job at ignoring everyone but when I was by myself, it was a totally different story. A ton of girls hating on me for being close to Wyatt, hanging onto him but also how he craved to hang onto me and how protective he was of me. It made me happy, but in a way I felt like shit because I highly doubted that Wyatt and I would really be anything more than a temper tantrum waiting to happen. So today I put a lot of thought in and tried to figure out what it was that I could do that would get Wyatt to see that I shouldn’t be with him anymore.. not only for everyone else’s sake; but for the fact that I just… didn’t know what would happen.

I felt entirely frustrated and kind of depressed as I sat alone in the coffee shop, listening to my ipod and watching the people walk by along the frozen sidewalk about to head on with their successful lives. While I sat here alone, craving attention. Craving a guy that could show me that if I was loyal to him he could return the favor without being a little bitch about it. However, I doubted that something that wondrous would actually happen. But then again, you never knew right?

``````````````
for; Jagr Shadows
notes;
tunes; lapse – envy on the coast

[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/color]

[Jagr Shadows]

As of lately my mind was out in a far away land. It wasn’t here on earth or anywhere close to me it seem. It was strange for me, for my mind to be on track. That wasn’t something that happened often or at all it seemed. But hey, there is a first for everything. Bundled up to stay warm, I looked normal for once. None of my tattoos showed the only thing different was just that my hair was long. I was just a normal guy for once. The nice looks I actually got from people, well, were hard to get used to at first. Walking in for coffee, I looked around at first. My eyes caught a girl that looked like someone I knew. Looking at her for a few seconds, my mind made the connection.

Forgetting about the coffee, I made my way to the table occupied by the young lady. Let me be nice and just call her that. Sitting down quietly across from her, I watched as her eyes seem to say on the outside world. With her ipod in her ears, I knew she didn’t hear me. Looking around some quickly, I spotted the ipod on the table and unplugged the earphones. Resting my elbows on the table and my chin in my hands, the tattoos against my hands and knuckles exposed, I looked around like I was in-fact innocent. Truth be told, if I was innocent, I was like deathly ill.

``````````````
for; Alaska
notes; This sucks. I’m so sorry but I feel like shit.
tunes;---

[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/color]

[Alaska Jaxon Saint]

i don't know what we are,
or what we'll ever be.

Biting down on my lower lip, i just continued to let my mind wander. I didn't do anything to stop it though, like i probably should have. But hey, I wasn't sure exactly how to stop it to be honest. Closing my eyes for a few moments, i just stuck my iPod in to drown out the voices with the voices of other people. Beautiful songs and intense ones. Even ones of my own. The one called Reprobate Romance came on and all i could do was close my eyes and sigh. How was it possible that a song i wrote so long ago fit so much right now?

I didn't seem to notice when someone sat across from me. My eyes were shut and i sensed a presence but thought nothing of it. That is, until my music got pulled away from me. I instantly looked down to the iPod to see what was wrong, before my eyes trailed to tattooed hands to a beautiful face i hadn't seen in years. It almost seemed like my heart was going to skip a beat or two. I tilted my head slightly. "... Jagr?" My voice was filled with surprise and confusion. I knew it was him, but i just had to be sure. Things weren't very different since the last time we saw each other except for his hair was longer. But those bright eyes, i instantly remembered the music video and the way that he looked at me with true feelings for that video before everything went to shit.

I shook my head slightly before exhaling quietly and plugging back in my iPod. Pressing play, i left one of the ear buds out of my ear so i could still hear him while i very quietly sung without realizing what i was doing. "And if we fall apart, will i ever haunt your dreams?" Finally realizing that i wasn't singing in my head i looked away kind of embarrassed and turning red before shrugging. "Sorry.. didn't realize i was actually talking out loud. uh, how've you been?" I asked, nervously drumming my very own tattooed fingertips along the table, extremely nervous to look at him.

``````````````
for; Jagr Shadows
notes;
tunes; reprobate romance – blacklisted me

[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/color]

[Jagr Shadows]

Just nodding yes when she spoke my name, I looked more straight forward at her. She seem the same, well she looked more down that usual. I listened to her for a while. As much I wanted to answer her when she snug out loud I chose not to do so. It was me being nice. Something that happened not so often. "I've been amazing." I lied somewhat. I had my amazing moments but had more down ones than anything. "How are you, it's been awhile," I spoke before sitting back in the chair.

``````````````
for; Alaska
notes; This sucks. I’m so sorry but I feel like shit.
tunes;---

[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Alaska Jaxon Saint]

we are the creatures we've created.

I just shrugged slightly. "I've been amazing." I heard him say and i sighed quietly wishing that i had experienced a similar past. I just nodded to him about his comment of it being awhile. "It really has been. I've been.... okay. sober for the first time in forever. lets just say it sucks ass and i have nothing to keep me pleasurable." I sighed before raising an eyebrow and looking at him for a moment before looking away. "I.... I've missed you." I said softly before looking away nervously. My soberness bringing out my honesty. I kept gaining the flashbacks of Russia.

My head on his chest laying in bed and watching MTV in Russian, hearing my music video air and us staying in bed all day and all night not even giving a shit that we did nothing that day. It was a beautiful experience; it really was.

``````````````
for; Jagr Shadows
notes;
tunes; creatures - motionless in white

[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/color]

[Jagr Shadows]

I wanted to laugh some when hearing her say she was sober. It seem Alaska sober was, well like me being sober. More like a stunt than anything. Yes, I decided to be sober but that was for my own torture. It was just something I wanted to do for the purse hell of it. "Well congrats on being drug free....like me." Flashing her a smile, I listened to her. As soon as "I've missed you' hit my ears my heart sank in my chest. I had a love for her, unlike no other. She was that type of person. She got me, she understood my 'life' and she was just there.

Not a person that amazing when it came to expressing feelings. Now I could express harsh feelings but when it came to stuff like romance, yea I crashed that course. Then again, she was the first and only person that held my heart and I never thought twice about it. Watching my fingers, I just took a breath to myself. "I've missed you too...' Looking back at her, I gave her a small reassuring smile. There was a possibility she wouldn't believe my words.

``````````````
for; Alaska Saint
notes; My post aren't pretty but hey! I posted XD
tunes;---

[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]